JOE. I'd as soon be a dog as a man, sure enough! They can sit by the fire and be comfortable. [_He jumps up suddenly as he hears a knock at the door._] Come in! [_The street door opens softly, and Matthew Trevaskis comes in very quietly. He is a stout, short man with bushy hair and a beard. He also is dressed as a laborer. He looks at Joe and gives a low whistle._] MATTHEW. Hallo, mate! JOE. Oh! you? [_Joe sits down again, points to another chair, and looks gloomily back into the fire._] MATTHEW. Well, brother! Thee looks as if thee'd run out o' speerits and 'baccy both. JOE. I'm moody, like a thing. [_Matthew laughs and draws his chair up close to Joe. He pulls down his waistcoat, and then puts his fingers in the arm-holes, as he contemplates Joe._] MATTHEW. Got the hump, mate? Have 'e? [_Joe shakes his head dolefully from side to side and sighs._] MATTHEW. Jaw, I suppose? [_Joe nods._] MATTHEW. Thought so. I met the missus as I came along looking a bit teasy. Women's the devil that way; it's in their breed and bone, like fightin' in we. You began all wrong, like me, mate, and females always takes advantage of honeymoon ways, and stamps on we if we don't take 'em in hand at once. [_Joe sighs, crosses his legs and looks at his friend._] JOE. Drat it all! I never began no different to what I am now. I cain't make things up at all. I'm fairly mazed, never having had dealin's with no female, except mother, who was mostly ill, and never in tantrums. [_Matthew rises, pokes Joe in the ribs and laughs._] MATTHEW. Cheer up, brother, there's no bigger fool than a man as is sent crazy with a woman. JOE. Women is mazy things. MATTHEW. There's allus 'baccy for to fortify us against them, thanks be. [_Matthew draws a little black clay pipe out of his waistcoat pocket and points to Joe's pipe on the mantelpiece as he sits down._] JOE. Kezia 'ates 'baccy in the house. MATTHEW. Smoke all the time then; it's the only way. [_Joe smiles and smoothes his thin straight hair._] JOE. You allus forgets I'm bent on pleasin' of Kezia. [_Matthew stretches out his legs, and his face becomes calm and thoughtful. He speaks very deliberately._] MATTHEW. The more thee tries to please women, mate, the more crotchety they becomes. Within bounds I keep the peace in our place like a judge, but she've learnt, Jane Ann have, that I'll put my foot down on any out-of-the-way tantrums. Give them their heads and they'll soon have we by the heels. JOE. Sometimes I wonder if we give 'em their heads enough. Perhaps they'd domineer less if we left 'em take their own grainy ways. MATTHEW. You bet! If I gave in to Jane Ann entirely, where the devil do 'e think I should be at all? [_The two men laugh together and light their pipes and smoke hard._] JOE. I've no notion.