First Love: A Novel. Vol. 2 of 3Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
General
First Love: A Novel. Vol. 2 of 3
Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
Fiction
“Yes,” he ejaculated, “the bosom of the deep is indeed my only home! the
wide waste of waters my comfortless domain! To spread desolation around
me with fire and with sword! to bring death and misery in my train! to
send destruction and despair in the whirlwind before me! these are my
daily duties! these my domestic joys!” He paused, then proceeded: “If
once there were—friends of the friendless—those who—could—could pity—fate
has torn them from me! Nay worse—I must tear myself from them! I must
seem ungrateful, unkind—I must teach those who might have loved—to
forget me—or—be a villain!” He hastened to add, for certain words in the
last sentence were shaking his best resolutions. “Yes, a villain!” he
repeated. “Is he less who, wrapped in mystery, without a name, without
a home, without a country, would ensnare the innocent affections of one
unknowing of the world, unable as yet to judge what may one day be her
own appreciation of its honours or even of its prejudices?” After a
moment’s pause he pronounced firmly, “I must never see her more!”
He now sunk back in perfect supineness. All the purposes of existence
seemed at an end for him. By his own free will act, he had quitted love
and happiness for ever. He felt every power of resistance weakened by the
supernatural effort. The image of Julia, hallowed, endeared, like that of
a departed friend, presented itself in a new, and, if possible, tenderer
light. Were he now, he thought, to behold that smile again, where would
be the restraints of duty? Forgotten! Utterly forgotten in the tumultuous
joy of such a moment! And had such felicity been his but yesterday?—Good
heavens! yesterday!—And now!——
Fatigued by contending thoughts, he now strove not to think at all; at
length, as he lay in the reclining position, induced by the languor
of despondency, the dashing of the waves began to sound more distant
than before, and a slender creeping plant, which hung from the rock
immediately above his head, was, during momentary and flitting visions,
mistaken for some part of the rigging of a ship, and then seen no more.
In fact, not having been in bed the night before, and having, ever since,
suffered great agony of mind, he was now so completely exhausted, that a
sort of torpor was gradually taking possession of his senses.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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