PHILIP. It's a bit late, isn't it? JAMES. Well, if you're four years behind, so is everybody else. (He feels vaguely that he has heard this argument before.) PHILIP (smiling): To tell the truth, I don't feel I mind much anyway. Anything you like--except a commissionaire. I absolutely refuse to wear uniform again. JAMES. How would you like to come into the business? PHILIP. The jam business? Well, I don't know. You wouldn't want me to salute you in the mornings? JAMES. My dear boy, no! PHILIP. All right, I'll try it if you like. I don't know if I shall be any good--what do you do? JAMES. It's your experience in managing and--er--handling men which I hope will be of value. PHILIP. Oh, I can do that all right. (Stretching himself luxuriously) Uncle James, do you realize that I'm never going to salute again, or wear a uniform, or get wet--really wet, I mean--or examine men's feet, or stand to attention when I'm spoken to, or--oh, lots more things. And best of all, I'm never going to be frightened again. Have you ever known what it is to be afraid--really afraid? JAMES (embarrassed). I--er--well--(He coughs.) PHILIP. No, you couldn't--not really afraid of death, I mean. Well, that's over now. Good lord! I could spend the rest of my life in the British Museum and be happy.... JAMES (getting up). All right, we'll try you in the office. I expect you want a holiday first, though. PHILIP (getting up). My dear uncle, this is holiday. Being in London is holiday. Buying an evening paper--wearing a waistcoat again--running after a bus--anything--it's all holiday. JAMES. All right, then, come along with me now, and I'll introduce you to Mr. Bamford. PHILIP. Right. Who's he? JAMES. Our manager. A little stiff, but a very good fellow. He'll be delighted to hear that you are coming into the firm. PHILIP (smiling). Perhaps I'd better bring my revolver, in case he isn't. JAMES (laughing with forced heartiness as they go together to the door). Ha, ha! A good joke that! Ha, ha, ha! A good joke--but only a joke, of course. Ha, ha! He, he, he! [PHILIP goes out. JAMES, following him, turns at the door, and looks round the room in a bewildered way. Was it a dream, or wasn't it? He will never be quite certain.] BELINDA An April Folly in Three Acts CHARACTERS BELINDA TREMAYNE. DELIA (her daughter). HAROLD BAXTER. CLAUDE DEVENISH. JOHN TREMAYNE. BETTY. The action takes place in Belinda's country-house in Devonshire at the end of April. This play was first produced by Mr. Dion Boucicault at the New Theatre, London, on April 8, 1918, with the following cast: Belinda Tremayne--IRENE VANBRUGH. Delia--ISOBEL ELSOM. Harold Baxter--DION BOUCICAULT. Claude Devenish--DENNIS NEILSON-TERRY. John Tremayne--BEN WEBSTER. Betty--ANNE WALDEN. ACT I [It is a lovely April afternoon--a foretaste of summer--in BELINDA'S garden.]