DELIA. She'll be rather surprised.
DEVENISH. Delia, I will be frank with you. I admit that I made Mrs.
Tremayne an offer of marriage.
DELIA (excitedly). You really did? Was it that first afternoon I came?
DEVENISH. Yes.
DELIA. Oh, I wish I'd been there!
DEVENISH (with dignity). It is not my custom to propose in the presence
of a third party. It is true that on the occasion you mention a man
called Baxter was on the lawn, but I regarded him no more than the old
apple-tree or the flower-beds, or any other of the fixtures.
DELIA. What did she say?
DEVENISH. She accepted me conditionally.
DELIA. Oh, do tell me!
DEVENISH. It is rather an unhappy story. This man called Baxter in his
vulgar way also made a proposal of marriage. Mrs. Tremayne was gracious
enough to imply that she would marry whichever one of us fulfilled a
certain condition.
DELIA. How sweet of her!
DEVENISH. It is my earnest hope, Miss Delia, that the man called
Baxter will be the victor. As far as is consistent with honour, I shall
endeavour to let Mr. Baxter (banging the table with his hand) win.
DELIA. What was the condition?
DEVENISH. That I am not at liberty to tell. It is, I understand, to be a
surprise for you.
DELIA. How exciting!... Mr. Devenish, you have been very frank. May I be
equally so? (DEVENISH bows.) Why do you wear your hair so long?
DEVENISH (pleased). You have noticed it?
DELIA. Well, yes, I have.
DEVENISH. I wear it so to express my contempt for the conventions of
so-called society.
DELIA. I always thought that people wore it very very short if they
despised the conventions of society.
DEVENISH. I think that the mere fact that my hair annoys Mr. Baxter is
sufficient justification for its length.
DELIA. But if it annoys me too?
DEVENISH (heroically). It shall go.
DELIA (apologetically). I told you I wasn't a very romantic person,
didn't I? (Kindly.) You can always grow it again if you fall in love
with somebody else.
DEVENISH. That is cruel of you, Delia. I shall never fall in love again.
[Enter BELINDA in a hat.]
BELINDA. Why, it's Mr. Devenish! How nice of you to come so early in the
morning! How is Mr. Baxter?
DEVENISH. I do not know, Mrs. Tremayne.
BELINDA (to DELIA). I got most of the things, Delia. (To DEVENISH.) "The
things," Mr. Devenish, is my rather stuffy way of referring to all the
delightful poems that you are going to eat to-night.
DEVENISH. I am looking forward to it immensely, Mrs. Tremayne.
BELINDA. I do hope I've got all your and Mr. Baxter's favourite dishes.
DEVENISH. I'm afraid Mr. Baxter and I are not likely to appreciate the
same things.
BELINDA (coyly). Oh, Mr. Devenish! And you were so unanimous a few days
ago.
DELIA. I think Mr. Devenish was referring entirely to things to eat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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