Betrothal -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
If she had gone home, if she had been able to go home after that
appeasing hour when Justin had helped her with Timothy, when they had
walked together on the terrace, she knew that she should have fallen
asleep happily, hopefully, though on what she based her happiness and
her hope she could not have told you. But Annabel had laughed, more
maliciously, more discreetly, yet as Coral might have laughed: and in a
flash the old thoughts, the old bitterness, had overwhelmed her again.
She inveighed against herself. Was she such a weakling that she could be
moved by what outsiders chose to think? Annabel, indeed! That for
Annabel! But Annabel had been laughing at Justin ... at Justin, a grown
man—making a fool of himself—over a game!... at Laura, unable to stop
him, without the faintest influence.... A trifle? Of course it was a
trifle, the straw which showed so clearly to Annabel, to all the world,
which way the wind blew. Such a trifle that if she spoke to Justin....
What was the use of speaking to Justin, of telling him what she thought?
It would only mean a row.... He had been annoyed the other day, about
the letter.... It wasn’t her business to criticize Justin.... And if it
were, that wasn’t the way to do it.... Men must be humoured.... And
after all, it wasn’t difficult to humour Justin....
She smiled to herself as she combed out her long hair, and, parting it
carefully, put up her hands to plait it; but she got no further; for as
she looked at the glass she realized suddenly, with a certain crisping
of her skin, a certain shortening of her breath, that not only was she
looking at herself, but that herself was looking at her. It moved as she
moved, pursed lips with her, while its hand divided the rope of hair
into three; yet all the while it stared at her with that air of critical
comprehension that looking-glass faces have, and its thoughts,
underneath its imitative obedience, shone in its eyes with such an odd
suggestion of menace that she cried out to it at last, aloud—
“What is it? Oh, what is it? I’m afraid——”
Its lips, moving quickly, answered even while she spoke—
“—Of yourself! Actually afraid of yourself. You’re afraid to be
yourself, aren’t you? Justin mightn’t like it.”
She watched the shamed, conscious flush rise and die again in its
looking-glass face.
“I’m quite happy,” she said to it defiantly.
“Of course!” Its narrowed eyes were merciless. “Of course. It’s such fun
humouring Justin. It’s so easy to give in. It’s such a pleasure to oil
the wheels—to be always exactly what he wants, where he wants, and when
he wants. It’s the delightfullest slavery. He owns you, doesn’t he? and
you’re proud of it. Well, I suppose it’s worth while to you. I’m told
it’s a most voluptuous sensation.”
She winced, her head flung up in outrage.
“I’m not like that. Never for one instant!”
But the tilted, scornful looking-glass face said only—
“Never for one instant? Are you sure?”
She had a wild gust of anger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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