"I often look out here at night," Valentine said, "generally to wonder
why people live as they do. When I see the soldiers going by, for
instance, I have often marvelled that they could find any pleasure
in the servants, so often ugly, who hang on their arms, and languish
persistently at them under cheap hats and dyed feathers. And I gaze at
the policeman on his beat and pity him for the dead routine in which he
stalks, seldom varied by the sordid capture of a starving cracksman, or
the triumphant seizure of an unmuzzled dog. The boys selling evening
papers seem to me imps of desolation, screaming through life aimlessly
for halfpence; and the cabmen, creatures driving for ever to stations,
yet never able to get into the wide world. And yet they are all living,
Julian; that is the thing: all having their experiences, all in strong
touch with humanity. The newspaper-boy has got his flower-girl to give
him grimy kisses; and the cabman is proud of the shine on his harness;
and the soldier glories in his military faculty of seduction, and in
his quick capacity for getting drunk in the glittering gin-palace at the
corner of the street; and the policeman hopes to take some one up, and to
be praised by a magistrate; and in those houses opposite intrigues are
going on, and jealousy is being born, and men and women are quarrelling
over trifles and making it up again, and children--what matter if
legitimate or illegitimate?--are cooing and crying, and boys are waking
to the turmoil of manhood, and girls are dreaming of the things they dare
not pretend to know. Why should I be like a bird hovering over it all?
Why should not I--and you--be in it? If I can only cease to be as I have
always been, I can recreate London for myself, and make it a live city,
fearing neither its vices nor its tears. I have made you fear them,
Julian. I have done you an injury. Let us be quiet, and feel the rustle
of spring over the gas-lamps, and hear the pulsing of the hearts around
us."
He put his arm through Julian's as they leaned out on the sill of the
window, and to Julian his arm was like a line of living fire, compelling
that which touched it to a speechless fever of excitement. Was this man
Valentine? Julian's pulses throbbed and hammered as he looked upon the
street, and he seemed to see all the passers-by with eyes from which
scales had fallen. If to die should be nothing to the wise man, to live
should be much. Underneath, two drunken men passed, embracing each other
by the shoulders. They sang in, snatches and hiccoughed protestations of
eternal friendship. Valentine watched their wavering course with no
disgust. His blue eyes even seemed to praise them as they went.
"Those men are more human than I," he slowly said. "Why should I condemn
them?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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