For the lady of the feathers, in most things a strange mixture, had never
driven two more contrasted passions in double harness than those which
she drove around the circle of which Julian was the core, the centre. One
was a passion of jealousy; the other a curious passion of protection.
Each backed up the other, urged it to its work. It would have been a hard
task, indeed, to tell at first which was the greater of the two. Cuckoo
neither knew nor cared. She did not even differentiate the two passions
or say to herself that there were two. That was not her way. She felt
quickly and strongly, and she acted on her feelings with the peculiar and
almost wild promptitude that such a life as hers seems to breed in
woman's nature. It is the French lady of the feathers who scatters
vitriol in the streets of Paris, the Italian or Spanish lady of the
feathers who snatches the dagger from her hair to stab an enemy. The wind
of Cuckoo's feelings blew her about like a dancing mote, and the feelings
awakened by Julian were the strongest her nature was capable of.
Only Jessie knew that at present, unless indeed Valentine had divined it,
as seemed possible from his words to Julian.
And these twin passions were fed full by the peculiar circumstances of
Cuckoo's relation to Julian, and by the depth of her knowledge concerning
a certain side of life.
She went home, that night of their meeting, very late, and in the
weariness of the morning succeeding it, and of many following mornings,
she began to brood over the change in Julian that she had intuitively
divined. Her street-woman's instinct could not be at fault with a boy.
For Julian was little more than a boy. She knew that when she first met
him, when they made toast together on the foggy afternoon that she could
never forget, Julian was unshadowed by the darkness that envelopes the
steps of so much human nature. Lively, bright, full of youth, strength,
energy, as he was, Cuckoo knew that then he had been free from the
bondage of sense which demands and obtains the sacrifice of so many lives
like hers. And she knew that now he was not free from that bondage, and
that she, by an irony of fate, had, with her own hands, fastened the
first fetter upon him.
Valentine had plotted that.
Cuckoo's belief said so; but surely her curious instinct against
Valentine must have tricked her here!
It was this knowledge of her unwilling action against Julian's peace that
first woke in her the strong protective feeling towards him, a feeling
almost akin to the maternal instinct. It was her strange love for him
that prompted the fiery antagonism against his relations with others that
could only be called jealousy. And though one of her passions was noble,
the other pitiable, they could but work together for the same end, aim at
a similar salvation.
Yet how could any salvation for a man come out of that dreary house in
the Marylebone Road, from that piteous rouged agent of the devil?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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