Julian was silent. It was curious, but this girl stirred his conscience
from its sleep, as once Valentine alone could stir it. But by how
different a method! The stillness and calm of one who was sinless were
replaced by the vehemence and the passion of one who was steeped in sin.
And yet the two opposites had, to some extent, the same effect. Julian
did not yet realize this thoroughly, and did not analyze it at all. Had
any one hinted to him that the waning influence of Valentine for good
could ever be balanced by the waxing influence of the lady of the
feathers, he would have laughed at the crazy notion. And in the first
place he would have denied that Valentine's spell upon him had changed in
nature; for Valentine was still as a god to him. And Cuckoo could never
be a goddess, either to him or to any one else. But, though he would
scarcely acknowledge it even to himself, he did not care for Cuckoo to
know fully the changing way of his life. Perhaps it was the curiously
strong line she had from the first taken with regard to his actions that
made him careful with her. Perhaps it was the incident of the vision of
the flame--but no; remembrance of that had been well-nigh lulled to sleep
by the lullabies of Valentine, by his disregard of it, his certainty that
it was an hallucination, a mirage. Whatever the cause might be, Julian
felt somewhat like a naughty boy in the angry presence of Cuckoo. As he
looked at her the greenish twilight painted a chill and menacing gleam in
her eyes, and made her twisting lips venomous and acrid to his glance.
Her rouge vanished in the twilight, or seemed only as a dull, darkish
cloud upon her thin and worn cheeks. She sat at the table almost like a
scarecrow, giving the tables of some strange law to a trembling and an
unwilling votary.
"I know!" she reiterated.
Julian said nothing. He did not choose to deny what was in fact the
truth, that his stay in Paris had not been free from fault, and yet he
did not feel inclined to do what most men in his situation must by all
means have done, challenge Cuckoo's right to sit in judgment, or even for
a moment to criticise any action of his. There was something about her, a
frankness perhaps, which made it impossible to put her out of court by
any allusion to her own life. And indeed that must have been cowardice
and an impossibility. Besides, she put herself and her own deeds calmly
away as unworthy and impossible of discussion, as things sunk down
beneath the wave of notice or comment, remote from criticism or
condemnation, because the life of their hopelessness had been so long
and sunless.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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