lady of the feathers, the blessed damozel of Regent Street and Piccadilly
Circus, the painted and possessed, faded and degraded, wanderer of the
pavements, seemed to become the centre of this wheel of circumstances,
as Doctor Levillier reflected upon her.
It was time for him to go to Cuckoo. Julian's descent must be stayed,
before he went down, like a new Orpheus without a mission, into Hades.
Valentine's influence, whether mad or sane, must be fought. It was to be
a struggle, a battle of wills, of what Valentine chose to consider souls.
And some prompting led the doctor to think of Cuckoo as a possible
weapon. Why? Because she had even once held Julian against his will,
against the intention of his soul.
So the doctor at length sought the lady of the feathers. She had been
passing through a period of great and benumbing desolation, believing
that her last appeal, her great effort for Julian, had been a failure.
For the doctor had not come to her, and Cuckoo could not tell that he
was making observations for himself and that she was often in his mind.
She supposed that he, like all others, laughed at her pretensions to
gravity, swept her exhibition of real and honest emotion away from his
memory with a sneer, considered her despair over another's ruin a vile
travesty, a grinning absurdity and trick. Never had Cuckoo felt more
lonely than in these days, though a vast loneliness is the constant
companion of her large sisterhood. Even Jessie failed to comfort her,
and she could find little courage within herself. And yet there were
moments when the vigour that had led her once to defy Valentine, when
the fire that had sprung up in her, as a flame may burst forth in a
swamp, seemed to be near to her again. She felt a new possibility within
her, stirring, striving. It was at such moments that she longed to see
the doctor, and could have cursed him for not coming to her. For at
such moments she seemed only waiting for a touch of sympathy, a word of
encouragement, to perform some great action, some momentous deed. But the
touch, the word, were lacking, and her life and experience of constant
and monotonous degradation dulled the impulse, stifled the enthusiasm
that she could not understand. And she fell again to brooding, and to
an ignorant and vague consciousness of impotence.
She bought a new hair-dye, painted her thin cheeks more heavily than ever
before, and sought, almost with a wild exultation that swiftly fled away,
to sink lower.
The monotony of sin is one of the scourges of sin. In those days Cuckoo
suffered many stripes. Her eyes grew more weary, her smile in Piccadilly
more mechanical, her walk more puppet-like than ever. Life was like
a moving dream of horror. And yet no day passed without a gleam of that
strange sensation of ignorant power, fluttering upward, fading away,
pausing, passing, dead.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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