"Yes, you. There is something in you--I feel it and I can't tell you why,
nor what it is--something that has hold of Julian. He told us so the
other night. Don't you know what it is?"
"Eh?"
"Perhaps he feels that you love him--purely, cleanly."
"I do--oh! I do that!" Cuckoo cried.
A wonder as to the relations between Julian and this girl shot through
the doctor. He was the last man in the world to think evil of any one,
but just then, as Cuckoo moved, the gaslight struck fully on her. The dye
on her hair shone crudely. The red and white of her face burned as on the
face of a clown. And then even the doctor's good heart wondered. Cuckoo
knew it in an instant, and her face hardened and looked older.
"Oh, go on," she said rudely. "Think as the others do. Damn you men! Damn
you! Damn you!"
And without warning she put her head down on the table and broke into a
wild passion of tears. She sobbed, and as she sobbed she cursed and
clenched her hands. She lost herself in fury and in despair. The Fates
had stung her too hard this time, and she must blaspheme against them
with her voice of the streets, her language of the streets, her poor
heart--not quite of the streets. The Fates had stung her too hard, for
they had put a flaw even in this one self-respect of hers. That one
night accused her whenever she thought of Julian, whenever she saw the
dissipation deepen round his eyes. She was not to have even one thing
that she could be quite proud of; not one thing of which she could say,
"This has been always pure." And then she turned on the doctor and cried:
"Go on--think it--think it! Think what you like! But I'll tell you the
truth. There was only once I did him any harm, and that wasn't my fault.
I never wanted to. I hated it. I told him I hated it. I didn't want him
to be that, like the others. And that was Valentine, too. And now--just
because of that I'm no use. And you'd said I might be, you'd said I might
be."
"And I say you shall be."
The wail died in Cuckoo's throat. The tears were arrested as by a spell.
Dr. Levillier had got upon his feet. All the truth and tenderness of his
heart was roused and quickened. He knew real passion, real grief, and
from that moment he knew and trusted the lady of the feathers. And by
the strength of her bitterness, even by the broken curses that would have
shocked so many of the elect of this world, he measured the width and
the depth of her possibilities. She had sent to damnation--what? The
vile cruelty, the loathsome, unspeakable, dastardly mercilessness of the
world. To damnation with it! That was the loud echo in his man's heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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