complete sovereignty of this glory, the doctor and the lady of the
feathers were there. And the doctor grew to feel that only some outside
circumstance, alarming Valentine to anxiety and waking Julian to a new
observation, had hindered the intended triumph. What circumstance was
that? He looked back along the past evening and found it in himself, in
his theory that a soul expelled was not necessarily a soul dead. The rift
in the glory of the Litany came with that. Valentine was trying to close
it by this act of sitting, to impress the strength of his will upon his
companions in the darkness. The doctor felt his effort like a continually
repeated blow, stealthy and hard and merciless.
And now, in the darkness and in the silence, the doctor heard the mind of
Julian. Another scent floated through that imagined damp and breathing
wood from another--but how different--soul-flower. No Litany of triumph
murmured in the blackness where Julian sat, but a hoarse and broken solo,
part despair, part fear, part anger, and all perplexed and flooded with
bewilderment and with excitement. The doctor drew into him the murmur
of Julian's mind until it seemed to become, for the time, the murmur of
his own mind. He was conscious of a dreadful turmoil of doubt, and dread
and perplexity, so strong, so painful, that it lay upon him like a dense
and a suffocating burden. In that moment he knew utterly that the
greatest load in the world laid on any man is the load of his own,
perhaps beloved, sin. He was staggering wearily with Julian away from
the light. His eyes were dim--with the eyes of Julian. His ears, like
Julian's, were assailed with the dastard clamour of the calling sin.
"Listen! Listen! you want me. I am here. Take me! Take me!" And the
weltering seas of heavy flooding impotence rolled round him as they
rolled round Julian. He grew numb and vacant and inert, then--alive ever
to the murmur of Julian's mind--caught a glimpse, through the waters of
that whelming sea, of far-away light, and heard that the voices of the
importunate sins grew fainter. But whether the voices were loud or low,
whether the seas flowed above his head or sank and failed, he was always
conscious of the dominating mood of almost wild perplexity and a madness
of bewilderment. For Julian stirred under the yoke that Valentine had
laid upon him, as if at last conscious distinctly that it was indeed a
yoke, and that it galled him; as if at last conscious, too, that without
that yoke was freedom. And he shot against Valentine in the darkness
arrows of inquiry. But always he lived in doubt and almost in terror.
And then, detaching himself from the triumph, touched with anxiety, of
Valentine, and from the wild turmoil of Julian, Dr. Levillier opened the
door of his mind wide, and the lady of the feathers entered in.
He heard the thoughts of a woman.
That was strangest of all--the most fantastic, eerie, wayward, wonderful
music the doctor had dreamed of.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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