She stumped downstairs, torn by conflicting emotions. She had got
accustomed to Cuckoo, and then both Julian and Valentine, Cuckoo's
visitors, had taught her the colour of the British sovereign. They had
not been near 400 lately, but they might come again. And then Doctor
Levillier. Cuckoo had some fine friends, who would surely do something
for her. Mrs. Brigg had no other possible lodger in her eye. On the
whole, prudence dictated a day or two's patience, just a day or two,
or a week's, not more, not a moment more. Thus it came about that Cuckoo
had now been another week beneath the roof of Mrs. Brigg without paying
hard cash for the asylum. The previous evening the landlady had burst
out again into fury, refusing to get in any more food for Cuckoo, and
demanding the fortnight's rent. She had even, carried away by cupidity
and passion, striven to drive Cuckoo out to her night's work. A physical
struggle had taken place between them, ending in the landlady's
hysterics. Other lodgers had been drawn by the noise from their floors
to witness the row. Two of them had come, on the scene accompanied by
men, and to them Mrs. Brigg had shrieked her wrongs and explanations of
this swindling virtue of a woman who had formerly paid her way honestly
from the street. The lodgers and their men had provided an accompaniment
of jeering laughter to the Brigg solo, and Cuckoo, her clothes nearly
torn from her back, had flung at last into her sitting-room and locked
the door. That was last night--the past which she now reviewed in the
morning twilight. What was she to do? She was without food. She was in
debt, must leave Mrs. Brigg, no doubt, but must pay her first, had no
means to pay for another lodging. She might apply to Doctor Levillier.
What held her back from taking that road was mainly this. She had the
dumb desire to make a sacrifice for Julian, and the doctor had given her
the idea of the only sacrifice she could make--retention of herself from
the degradation that kept her free of debt. If she asked the doctor to
pay the expenses of the sacrifice, whose would it be? His, not hers. So
there was no banker in the world for Cuckoo. The dead-wall faced her.
The horizon was shut out. She lay there and tried to think--and tried to
think. How to get some money? Something--the devil perhaps--prompted the
sleeping Jessie to stir again at the bottom of the bed. Cuckoo felt the
little dog's back shift against her stretched-out toes, and suddenly a
bitter flood of red ran over her thin, half-starved face, and she hid it
in the tumbled pillow, pressing it down. The movement was the attempted
physical negation of an abominable, treacherous thought which had just
stabbed her mind. How could it have come to her, when she hated it so?
She burrowed further into the pillow, at the same time caressing the back
of Jessie with little movements of her toes. Horrible, horrible thought!
It brought tears which stained the pillow. It brought a hard beating of
the heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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