Flute and Violin, and Other Kentucky Tales and RomancesAllen, James Lane
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Flute and Violin, and Other Kentucky Tales and Romances
Allen, James Lane
Kentucky -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, American
The prayer smote him like a warning. Conscience was still torturing
this old man--torturing him even in his dreams on account of the sinful
fevers that had burned up within him half a century ago. On the very
verge of the grave he was uplifting his hands to implore forgiveness
for the errors of his youth. Ah! and those other graves in the quiet
cemetery garth below--the white-cowled dust of his brethren, mouldering
till the resurrection morn. They, too, had been sorely tempted--had
struggled and prevailed, and now reigned as saints in heaven, whence
they looked sorrowfully and reproachfully down upon him, and upon their
sinful heaps of mortal dust, which had so foiled the immortal spirit.
Miserably, piteously, he wrestled with himself. Even conscience was
divided in twain and fought madly on both sides. His whole training had
left him obedient to ideas of duty. To be told what to do always had
been for him to do it. But hitherto his teachers had been the fathers.
Lately two others had appeared--a man and a woman of the world, who had
spoken of life and of duty as he had never thought of them. The pale,
dark hunchback, whom he had often seen haunting the monastery grounds
and hovering around him at his work, had unconsciously drawn aside for
him the curtains of the world and a man's nobler part in it. The woman,
whom he had addressed as a devil, had come in his eyes to be an angel.
Both had made him blush for his barren life, his inactivity. Both had
shown him which way duty lay.
Duty? Ah! it was not duty. It was the woman, the woman! The old
tempter! It was the sinful passion of love that he was responding to;
it was the recollection of that sweet face against which his heart had
beat--of the helpless form that he had borne in his arms. Duty or love,
he could not separate them. The great world, on the boundaries of which
he wished to set his feet, was a dark, formless, unimaginable thing,
and only the light from the woman's face streamed across to him and
beckoned him on. It was she who made his priestly life wretched--made
even the wearing of his cowl an act of hypocrisy that was the last
insult to Heaven. Better anything than this. Better the renunciation
of his sacred calling, though it should bring him the loss of earthly
peace and eternal pardon.
The clock struck half-past one. He turned back to his cell. The ghastly
beams of the setting moon suffused it with the pallor of a death-scene.
God in heaven! The death-scene was there--the crucifixion! The sight
pierced him afresh with the sharpest sorrow, and taking the crucifix
down, he fell upon his knees and covered it with his kisses and his
tears. There was the wound in the side, there were the drops of blood
and the thorns on the brow, and the divine face still serene and
victorious in the last agony of self-renunciation. Self-renunciation!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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