Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; First loves -- Fiction; Ireland -- Fiction
We walked on in silence. There was, at the particular point we had
now reached, a certain grandeur in the landscape, which even at that
agitated moment impressed me with a sense of solemnity. From childhood
I had imagined it――quite without historical foundation――as the scene
of ancient Druidical worship. I thought of the dark soil as having
drunk up the hot, sweet blood of human sacrifice, while the “pale-eyed
priest” lifted his gaze to the clear autumn sky, and watched against
it, just that same dark curving line of quiet hills that I was watching
now.
Yet, when we began to speak again it was of things about which we were
both profoundly indifferent, and I had a sickening feeling that I was
failing to interest my companion, and that while she was talking to me
her thoughts were elsewhere. Somehow it appeared to be impossible to
raise our conversation out of the rut of deadly commonplace into which
it had fallen. It seemed to me almost as if Katherine were keeping it
there on purpose, and before we came to Bryansford, I proposed trying
to get tea at one of the cottages, for I felt that any interruption
would be a relief.
When we had finished, and paid for, our refreshment, instead of
continuing our way round under the mountains, as I had intended,
Katherine decided that we ought to start for home.
“Let us at least go back through the woods,” I begged. “We don’t want
to tramp along that dusty road again.”
She yielded to my persuasion, and we entered the estate that lay beyond
Derryaghy. It was strangely still in the late afternoon. Not a leaf
stirred. On and on we walked, hardly speaking, and suddenly the dead
silence, and our complete solitude, became, as it were, visible to
me; and with that there rose in my mind, with intense vividness, a
memory――the memory of Elsie at Owen’s party. The whole thing came back
to me almost with the strength of hallucination: her lips on mine, my
own kisses, her yielding body as she closed her eyes under my embrace.
I was horribly nervous. I felt myself trembling and a faint mist swam
before my eyes. I put out my hand and tried to take Katherine’s, but
she drew away from me at once. I stopped short, facing her, on the
narrow path. “I want to speak to you,” I said. “What have I done?”
She made as if to pass me, but I barred the way. I was conscious once
more, through other things, of a smouldering anger against her. “Why do
you draw back when I touch you? You once told me you cared for me. You
wrote to me that you did.”
“So I do,” she answered quietly, though her face had altered. “I don’t
know what you want, nor why you aren’t satisfied.”
And, all the time, that other vision was acting like an hypnotic
suggestion upon my mind. “You know that I love you,” I persisted,
hoarsely, my voice sounding queer, though I tried to speak naturally.
“Tell me, would you rather have Owen?”
“I don’t think you should speak to me like this. I wish you would allow
me to pass, please.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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