“I was always fond of you,” she said, going back to the foot of the
bed. “I always suspected you of drama. I’ve a plan. You must stay
here--it will be a charity to me. When Tim comes home--we’ll see! I
shan’t want you then.” She made a little frank grimace. “When Tim comes
home I want no one--until the first rapture of reunion wears off.
We are like a couple of very juvenile lovers--but we don’t keep up the
strain for long. He won’t return for a couple of months at the very
least. We can have a splendid time, you and I together. There is only
one thing I must insist on--one thing.” The disgustful expression of
the night before momentarily hardened her laughing face. “You must vow,
by something solemn--what binding instrument can we get for you to kiss
or swear by? There is really nothing but a back glass--which is
frivolous--and a poker, which is threatening. Give me your bare word.
Promise not to attempt to see that man; not to degrade me by going
back, by writing. You mustn’t even speak of him. It’s all terrible
tragedy to you; to me it is merely a disgraceful, unavoidable episode.
The woman in brown transforms the situation. I’m more sorry for her
than for you; we can’t help our respectable prejudices. He is never to
be mentioned. We’ll put away, if you please, the very tea-gown which he
has touched. I’ve brought you a coat and skirt--a pale blue skirt which
ought to suit you beautifully. Is it all settled?”
“All!” Pamela returned with promptitude. “I vow. I am only too grateful
to be saved--from myself.”
In that quick way--natural to Barbara Clutton--they decided it. Pamela
fell obediently into the life at Beaufort Street. It was almost
conventual. Day after day she rose from her bed, looked at the mourning
band of river and despaired. She was cut off from London; it was part
of the compact that she was not to go beyond the Chelsea end of
Sloane Street. She shopped in King’s Road. Sometimes she walked out to
Fulham, or penetrated farther still, to a lonely green, belted with red
and yellow houses. The omnibuses pulled up there. She used to stare at
them wistfully, and think of Wormwood Scrubbs and the old, dead days of
anguish.
Furtively she bought newspapers and read them with a hungry eye. She
read everything which might hold a trail of Edred. She bought City
papers, made her head ache by puzzling over market quotations. She read
accounts of frauds, read all the criminal news. She read the lists of
bankrupts, read death notices, advertisements. She never saw his name.
It seemed suddenly sponged from all the places which had formerly
placarded it.
She beat against the bars of that house by the river. She wasn’t happy;
neither she nor Barbara was happy after the first glow of novelty wore
off. They weren’t of the mold to be completely satisfied with the
companionship of their own sex.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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