“Edred is not my brother. He was my lover in London. We were engaged to
be married. He got into trouble--some business affair. The others were
to blame. They got away and he had to pay the penalty. When I came here
he was in prison. I decided never to see him again; not to let him know
my address. He came to the back door with machines that day--that day,
dear; oh, Jethro, I’m so sorry--when you gave me the check for my
wedding things and asked me about the pet lamb. I can’t marry you; I
can’t stay. He doesn’t love me--as you do. He’ll be unkind to me: he’s
that sort of man. I’m a fool, a traitor--everything that is ignoble.
Why don’t you strike me?” She threw up her face and looked at him
mournfully--that wild, sharp face, which was just a mask for her
racking brain.
“Why don’t you curse me? I have spoilt your life--but it might have
been worse. If he came back, or sent a message saying he wanted me, I
should have gone. Yes, your wife, Jethro, would have gone. I’ve been
trying to cure myself. I saw his name, and it all came back. He was the
first man--no one else before had said or looked love, or kissed
me. I suppose that must be the reason. There can be no other--he is
worthless. You are a god compared to him. But he was first. I can’t
help it.” She shook her head hopelessly, the molten, heavy tears
rolling slowly down her face.
“That isn’t all. You shall know the very worst. Then you won’t care so
much. You’ll drive me away from Folly Corner--and forget. Marry some
good, even-minded girl--some girl without the horrible strength that I
have. I must tell you the rest. He did send a telegram. You were at the
Flagon House. He said he was coming back to fetch me. I waited under
the yew until past midnight. He never came. Until to-day, until I saw
this”--she touched his name--“I thought--I hoped that he might be dead.
He wouldn’t have any power over me then.
“You saw him kissing me in the waiting-room. Why didn’t you guess
then--why did you stop short--just suspecting? Suspicion is no good--it
is only a petty thing. If you had not driven us to the station I should
have gone to London with him. That day I kept changing my mind. Do
speak, Jethro. Don’t look at me in that queer way. You must be angry.
Show it. Strike me. Call me all the disgraceful names you are surely
thinking.”
He got up, giving himself a slow shake in the shaggy coat of homespun,
which was of a very light color and looked something like hairy
sacking.
“You must go to him,” he said simply, not a trace of anger on his face.
“It’s natural--I wouldn’t stand up against Nature for the world.
Nature mates us all--no good our meddling. Even with the cattle----”
“Never mind the cattle,” she broke in, her squeamishness asserting
itself even now--his speech was apt to be blunt enough when he spoke of
the simple facts which he had been accustomed to take as a matter of
course all his life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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