"You need not speak to me in that tone," she answered, haughtily. "When
I tell you that it is against my will--you hear--in spite of myself,
that I have doubts, and that this makes me miserable, you need not take
that tone. Have some pity on me, and do not speak like that."
"But, Eva, when I assure you," he began again, trembling with rage,
which he tried to control, forcing himself to speak gently: "when I
assure you."
"You had done so already."
"And you doubt my word?"
"Only in so far as--"
"You disbelieve me?" he roared, quite beside himself.
"Only in so far as that I think you are keeping something back," she
cried.
"Something back! What, in Heaven's name?"
His friend's name was on her tongue; but as soon as she thought of
Bertie, hesitancy and indecision took possession of her, for she knew
not what exactly Bertie had in fact told her. It was always as though
Van Maeren had enclosed her in a magic circle, a spell of silence, which
made it impossible for her to mention him; and even at this juncture he
was an intangible presence, his name an unutterable word, his hints a
mere inarticulate jangle.
"What--- what?" she gasped in bewilderment. "Oh, I do not know. If only
I knew! But you are concealing something from me--and perhaps it is
something about her, that woman!"
"But when I tell you that she--"
"No, no," she insisted, confirmed in her imaginings by her offended
pride. "I know--I know. You men count such matters as nothing. A thing
of the past; it is so all the world over, you say; and what I call
something, you call nothing. And so I say there is something--that you
are hiding, Frank."
"Eva, I swear--"
"Do not swear to it, for that would be a sin!" she shrieked out, wrought
up, in spite of herself, to a paroxysm of insane belief in a thing of
which she knew nothing certain. "For I feel it. I feel, it here, in me,
about me, everywhere!"
He seized her by the wrists, carried away by his rage at her rejecting
his asseverations, wounded in his proud consciousness of honour and
truthfulness, and amazed at the depth of her infatuated distrust.
"Then you do not believe me," he said, with an oath. "You do not
believe me?" And for the second time his tone offended and enraged her.
The exposure of their two antagonistic natures, with all their passions
and infirmities, brought them into collision.
"No; since you will have it--No!" she cried, and she wrenched herself
free from his vice-like grasp with such violence that her slender wrists
cracked. "Now you know it: I do not believe you. You are hiding
something from me, and it has something to do with that woman. I feel
it, and what I feel is to me undeniable. That creature, who dared to
speak to you, has taken root in my imagination; I feel her close to me,
smell her scent, and am so intensely conscious that there is still
something between you and her that I am bold to say to you: 'You lie;
you lie for her sake and are cheating me!'"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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