Twice had he written--two letters--and yet she gave no sign! And he
could think of no cause in his ardent expectancy which made him regard
it as the most natural thing that she should reply at once. Still he
lived on this waiting. The reply must come; it could not be otherwise.
His brain held no other thought than: It is coming--it will come to day.
All life was void and flat, but it could be filled by just one letter.
Day followed day, and there was no change.
"I have had no answer yet from Eva," he said, in a subdued tone to
Bertie, as feeling himself humiliated, disgraced by her determined
silence, mocked at in his illusory hopes.
"Not yet?" said Bertie; and a mist of melancholy glistened in his black
velvety eyes. A weight indeed lay on his mind; he sighed deeply and
frequently. He really was unhappy. What he had done was so utterly base.
But it was all Frank's fault. Why, now that he was parted from Eva,
could he not forget his passion; why could he not find sufficient
comfort in the sweets of friendship? How delightful it might have been
to live on together, a happy pair of friends, under the calm blue sky of
brotherhood, in the golden bliss of perfect sympathy, with no woman to
disturb it. Thus he romanced, consciously working up his friendly,
compassionate feeling towards Frank to a sort of frenzy, in the hope of
comforting himself a little, of forgetting his foul deed, of convincing
himself that he was magnanimous; nay, that in spite of that little
deception, he now more than ever, since he was sunk in the mire really
longed for a high ideal.--It was all Frank's fault. And yet, was Frank
to blame because he could not forget Eva? No, no. That was all Fatality.
No one was to blame for that. That was the act of Fate.
"Yes, that is certain!" thought he. "But why have we brains to think
with, and why do we feel pain, if we can do nothing to help ourselves?
Why are we not plants or stones? Why should this vast, useless universe
exist at all? And why, why did nothingness cease to be? How peaceful,
how delightfully peaceful, that would be!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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