"And you were so kind to me. You gave me everything. I foresaw that I
should have to work for my living again, and I was so well off where I
was. Frank, Frank, listen to me; hear what I have to tell you before you
say anything, before you are angry. Let me explain; do not condemn me
till you know. Oh, yes, it was base of me to do what I did, but let me
say a word; and do not be angry, Frank, till you know everything. Frank,
try to see me as I am. I am as God made me, and I cannot help it; I
would have been different if I could--and I only did what I could not
help doing. Indeed, I could not help it; I was driven to it by a power
outside me. I was so weak, so tired; I could rest with you; and though
you may not believe me, I loved you, I worshipped you. And you wanted to
turn me out, and make me work. Then it was--then I did it. Hear me,
Frank, let me tell you all. I must tell you all. I made Eva believe
that you did not really love her; I made her doubt you, so that
everything was broken off between you. And the letters, I stopped
them.... It was all my doing Frank, all, all; and I hated myself while I
did it, because I was not different from what I am. But I could not help
it. I was made so.... And you do not understand me. I am such a strange
mixture that you cannot understand. But try to understand me and you
will, Frank; and then you will forgive me--perhaps you will even forgive
me. Oh, believe me, I beseech you, I am not wholly selfish. I love you
with all my soul, so truly as one man hardly ever loves another, because
you were so good to me. I can prove it to you; did I not stick by you
when you had lost all your money in America? If I had been selfish,
should I not have left you then? But I stayed with you, I worked with
you, and we shared everything, and were happy. Oh, why did not things
remain as they were? Now you have met her, and now--"
"Have you done with words!" roared Frank. "So you did this, you wrecked
all that life held for me! God in heaven! is it possible?--No, you are
right; I do not understand you!" he ended with a venomous laugh, his
face crimson and his eyes starting with rage. Bertie had dropped
crouching in a heap on the ground, and sobbed aloud.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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