For love and life; vol. 1 of 2Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
For love and life; vol. 1 of 2
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
“Surely,” said Edgar, with some wonder at the appealing tone in which
this half statement, half question was made. But a little sigh came from
his heart, against his will, as he saw Charles Murray’s welcome, and
felt himself rolled away into the cold, into the unknown, without any
one to bear him company. He too had once had, or thought he had, a
sister, and enjoyed for a short time that close, tender, and familiar
friendship which only can exist between a young man and woman when they
are thus closely related. Edgar, who was foolishly soft-hearted, had
gone about the world ever since, missing this, without knowing what it
was he missed. He was fond of the society of women, and he had been shut
out from it; for he neither wished to marry, nor was rich enough so to
indulge himself, and people with daughters, as he found, were not so
anxious to invite a poor man, nor so complacent towards him as they had
been when he was rich. To be sure he had met women as he had met men at
the foreign towns which he had chiefly frequented during the aimless
years just past; but these were chiefly old campaigners, with all the
freshness dried out of them, ground down into the utmost narrowness of
limit in which the mind is capable of being restrained, or else at the
opposite extreme, liberated in an alarming way from all the decorums and
prejudices of life. Neither of these classes were attractive, though
they amused him, each in its way.
But somehow the sight of his two cousins, brother and sister, gave him a
pang which was all the sharper for being entirely unexpected. It made
him feel his own forlornness and solitude, how cut off he was from all
human solace and companionship. Into his ancient surroundings he could
not return; and his present family, the only one which he had any claim
upon, was distasteful beyond description. Even his grandmother and
Jeanie, whom he had known longest, and with whom he felt a certain
sympathy, were people so entirely out of his sphere, that his
intercourse with them never could be easy nor carried on on equal terms.
He admired Mrs. Murray’s noble character, and was proud to have been
able to stand by her against her sordid relations; he even loved her in
a way, but did not, could not adopt the ways of thinking, the manners
and forms of existence, which were natural and seemly in the little
farm-house.
As for Jeanie, poor, gentle, pretty Jeanie! A slight flush came over
Edgar’s face as her name occurred to him; he was no lady-killer, proud
to think that he had awakened a warmer feeling than was safe for her in
the girl’s heart. On the contrary, he was not only pained, but ashamed
of himself for the involuntary consciousness which he never put into
words, that perhaps it was better for Jeanie that he should go away. He
dismissed the thought, feeling hot and ashamed. Was it some latent
coxcombry on his part that brought such an idea into his head?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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