Meanwhile up in Bobby's dusty old room, called by courtesy “The Study”
but having little evidence of literature about it save an edition of
Whyte-Melville and a miscellaneous collection of Yellow-backs, Peter had
poured out his soul:
“Bobby, I feel as though I'd just been set up with my back against
the wall for every one to make shies at. Everything's going
wrong--everything. The ground's crumbling from under my feet. First
it's young Stephen, then it's Clare, then my book fails (don't let's
humbug--you know it's an utter failure) then I quarrel with Cards, then
that damned woman--” he stopped at the thought of Mrs. Rossiter and
drove his hands together. Then he went on more quietly. “It's like
fighting in a fog, Bobby. There's the thing I want somewhere, just
beside me--I want Clare, Clare as she used to be when we were first
married--but I can't get at her and yet, through it all, I don't know
what it is that stops me.
“I know I hadn't thought of her enough--with the book and Stephen and
everything. Cards told me that pretty straight--but now I've seen all
that and I'm ready to do anything--anything if she'll only love me
again.”
“Go directly to her and tell her,” said Bobby; “have it all out in the
open with her.”
“That's just it,” Peter answered, “I never seem to get her alone.
There's always either her mother or Cards there. Cards sees her alone
much more than I do, but, of course, she likes his company better than
mine just now. I'm such a gloomy beggar--”
“Nonsense,” said Bobby roughly. “You believe anything that any one tells
you. They tell you that you're gloomy and depressing and so you think
you are. They didn't find you gloomy at Brockett's did they? And Alice
and I have never found you depressing. Don't listen to that woman.
Clare's always been under her influence and it's for you to take her
out of it--not to lie down quietly and say she's too much for you--but
there's another thing,” he added slowly and awkwardly, after a moment's
pause.
“What's that?” asked Peter.
“Well--Cards,” said Bobby at last. “Oh! I know you'll say I hate him.
But I don't. I don't hate him. I've always known him for what he was--in
those days at Dawson's when if you flattered him he was kind, and if you
didn't he was contemptuous. At Cambridge it was the same. There was only
one fellow there I ever saw him knock under to--a man called Dune--and
he was out and away exceptional anyhow, at games and work and
everything. Now _he_ made Cards into a decent fellow for the time
being, and if he'd had the running of him he might have turned all that
brilliance into something worth having.
“But he vanished and Cards has never owned his master since. Everything
was there, ready in him, to be turned one way or the other, and after he
left Cambridge there was his silly mother and a sillier London waiting
to finish him--now he's nothing but Vanity and Fascination--and soon
there'll be nothing but Vanity.”
“You're unjust to him, Bobby, you always have been.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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