At the sight of it too, the floor of the room seemed instantly to pitch,
slanting downwards, like the deck of a sinking ship. He caught on to the
back of a chair in order that he might not slip with it. His hands shook
and there was a great pain at his heart, as though some one were pulling
it tight, then squeezing it in their fingers and letting it go again.
Then, as suddenly, all his agitation fled. The room was cold and empty
again, and his hands were steady. He took the letter and read it.
It was written in great agitation and almost illegible, and at the
bottom of the paper there was a dirty smudge that might have been a tear
stain or a finger mark. It ran:
_I must go. I have been so unhappy for so long and we don't get on
together, Peter, now. You don't understand me and I must be happy. I had
always been happy until I married you--perhaps it's partly my fault but
I only hinder your work and there is some one else who loves me. He has
always said so.
I would not have gone perhaps if it had not been for what you did on
April 12. I know because some one saw you getting into a cab at midnight
with that horrible woman. That shows that you don't care about me,
Peter. But perhaps I would have gone anyhow. Once, the night I told you
about baby coming, I told you there'd be a time when you'd have to hold
me. It came--and you didn't see it. You didn't care--you can't have
loved me or you would have seen.... But anything is better than staying
here like this. I am very unhappy now but you will not care. You are
cruel and hard, Peter. You have never understood what a woman wants.
I am going to Jerry in Paris. You can divorce me. I don't care about
anything now. I won't come back--I won't, I won't--Clare._
He read this all through, very carefully with a serious brow. He
finished it and then knew that he had not read a word of it. He went,
slowly, to the window and opened it because the room was of a stifling
heat. Then he took the letter again and read it. As he finished it again
he was conscious that the door-bell was ringing. He wondered why it was
ringing.
He was standing in the middle of the room and speaking to himself:
“The humour of his performance as Lieutenant Pottle, a humour never
exaggerated nor strained ...”
“The humour of his Lieutenant Pottle as a performer--never strained...
never exaggerated... never strained...”
Bobby came in and found him there. Peter's face was so white that his
collar and shirt seemed to be a continuation of his body--a sudden
gruesome nakedness. Both his hands were shaking and his eyes were
puzzled as though he were asking himself some question that he could not
solve.
Bobby started forward--
“God, Peter, what--”
“She's gone away, Bobby,” Peter said, in a voice that shook a little
but was otherwise grave and almost a whisper, so low was it. “She's gone
away--to Cardillac.” Then he added to himself--“Cardillac is my best
friend.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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