Here on the Sea Road he paused. The wind, tearing, as it had always
done, round the corner met him and for a moment he had to pull himself
together and face it. He remembered, too, at that instant, Norah
Monogue. Where had he seen her? What had brought her to his mind
quite lately? What did she mean by interfering?--interfering? Then he
remembered. It was her name in the letter rack. She was at The Man at
Arms ill. Impatiently, he would have driven her from him, but all the
way down the Sea Road she kept pace with him.
“I'm done with her.... I'm done with everybody. Damn it all, one keeps
thinking....”
In the evening light the sea below the road was a pale blue and near
the shore a calm green. It was all very peaceful. The water lapped the
shore, the Bell Rock sighed its melancholy note across space; out a
little way, when some jagged stones sprang like shoulders from the blue,
gentle waves ringed them in foam like lace and broke with a whisper
against their sides.
Except for the sea there was absolute silence. Peter alone seemed to
walk the world. As he strode along his excitement increased and his
knees trembled and his eyes were burning. He did not think of the
earlier days when he had walked that same road. That was another
existence that had nothing to do with him as he was now. The
anticipation that possessed him was parallel with the eager demand of
the opium-smoker. “Soon I shall be drugged. I'm going to forget, to
forget, to forget. Just to let myself go--to sink, to drown.”
He had still with him the consciousness of keeping at bay an army of
thoughts that would leap upon him if he gave them an opportunity. But
soon that would be all over--no more battle, no more struggle. He turned
the corner and saw Scaw House standing amongst its dark trees, with its
black palings in front of its garden and the deserted barren patch of
field in front of that again. The sun was getting low and the sky above
the house was flaming but the trees were sombre and the house was cold.
It did not seem to him to have changed in any way since he had left it.
The windows had always been of a grim hideous glass, the stone shape of
the place always squat and ugly, and the short flight of steps that led
up to the heavy beetling door had always hinted, with their old hard
surface, at a surly welcome and a reluctant courtesy. It was all as it
had been.
The sky, now a burning red, looked down upon an utterly deserted
garden, and the silence that was over all the place seemed to rise, like
streaming mist, from the heart of the nettles that grew thick along the
crumbling wall.
The paint had faded from the door and the knocker was rusty; as Peter
hammered his arrival on to the flat silence a bird flew from the black
bunch of trees, whirred into the air and was gone....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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