Her voice broke, then she leaned forward, catching his hands:
“Peter, I'm dying--I'm going. If you will only have it you can take
me, and when I am gone I shall still live on in you. Let me give you
everything that is best in me--let me feel that I have sent you back to
London, sent you with my dying breath--and that you go back, not because
of yourself but because of everything that you can do for every one
else.
“Believe me, Peter dear, it all matters so little, this trouble and
unhappiness that you've had, if you take it bravely. The courage that
you've wanted before is nothing to the courage that you want now if
you're going back. Let me die knowing that we're both going back.
“Think of what your life, if it's fine enough, can mean to other people.
Go back to be battered--never mind what happens to your body--any
one can stand that. There's London waiting for you, there's life and
adventure and hardship. There are people to be helped. You'll go, with
all that I can give you, behind you ... you'll go, Peter?”
He sat with his teeth set, staring out into the world. He had known from
the first sentence of her appeal to him that she had named the one thing
that could give him courage to fight his cowardice. Some one had once
said: “If any one soul of us is all the world, this world and the
next, to any other soul, then whoever it may be that thus loves us, the
inadequacy of our return, the hopeless debt of us, must strike us to our
knees with an utter humility.”
So did he feel now. Out of the wreck there had survived this one thing.
He remembered what Henry Galleon had once said about Fortitude, that the
hardest trial of all to bear was the consciousness of having missed the
Finest Thing. All these years she had been there by the side of him and
he had scarcely thought of her--now, even as he watched her, she
was slipping away from him, and soon he would be left alone with the
consciousness of missing the greatest chance of his life.
The one thing that he could do in return was to give her what she
asked. But it was hard--he was under no illusion as to the desperate
determination that it would demand. The supreme moment of his life
had come. For the first time he was going to fling away the old Peter
Westcott altogether. He could feel it clinging to him. About him, in the
air, spirits were fighting. He had never before needed Courage as he
was needing it now. It seemed to him that he had to stand up to all the
devils in the world--they were thick on every side of him.
Then, with a great uplifting of strength, with a courage that he had
never known before, he picked up Peter Westcott in his hands, held him,
that miserable figure, high in air, raised him, then flung him with
all his strength out, away, far into space, never to return, never to
encumber the earth again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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