“Mother, dear--I know--father has been frightening you all this
time--terrifying you. And you were all alone. If only I had been
there--if only there had been some one--”
Her voice was very faint. “Yes ... he has frightened me all these years.
At first I used to think that he didn't mean it. I was a bright, merry
sort of a girl then--careless and knowing nothing about the world. And
then I began to see--that he liked it--that it gave him pleasure to have
something there that he could hurt. And then I began to be frightened.
It was very lonely here for a girl who had had a gay time, and he usen't
to like my going to Truro--and at last he even stopped my seeing people
in Treliss. And then I began to be really frightened--and used to
wake in the night and see him standing by the door watching me. Then
I thought that when you were born that would draw us together, but it
didn't, and I was always ill after that. He would do things--Oh!” her
hand pressed her mouth. “Peter, dear, you mustn't think about it, only
when I am dead I don't want you to think that I was quite a fool--if
they tell you so. I don't want you to think it was all his fault either
because it wasn't--I was silly and didn't understand sometimes ... but
it's killed me, that dreadful waiting for him to do something, I never
knew what it would be, and sometimes it was nothing ... but I knew that
he liked to hurt ... and it was the expectation.”
In that white room, now flaming with the fires of the setting sun, Peter
caught his mother to his breast and held her there and her white hands
clutched his knees.
Then his eyes, softened and he turned to her and arranged her head on
the pillow and drew the sheets closely about her.
“I must go now. It has been bad for you this talking, but it had to be.
I'm never, never going to leave you again--you shall not be alone any
more--”
“Oh, Peter! I'm so happy! I have never been so happy... but it all comes
of being a coward. If I had only been brave--never be afraid of anybody
or anything. Promise me, Peter--”
“Except of myself,” he answered, kissing her.
“Kiss me again.... And again...”
“To-morrow...” he looked back at her, smiling. He saw her, for an
instant, as he left the room, with her cheek against the pillow and her
black hair like a cloud about her; the twilight was already in the room.
An hour later, as he stood in the dining-room, the door opened and his
father came in.
“You have been with your mother?”
“Yes.”
“You have done her much harm. She is dying.”
“I know everything,” Peter answered, looking him in the face.
IV
He would never, until his own end had come, forget that evening. The
golden sunset gave place to a cold and windy night, and the dark clouds
rolled up along the grey sky, hiding and then revealing the thin and
pallid moon.
Peter stayed there in the dining-room, waiting. His grandfather slept
in his chair. Once his aunt came crying into the room and wandered
aimlessly about.
“Aunt, how is she?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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