England, Northern -- Fiction; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Jews -- Fiction
There was a shuffling with utensils on the bedside table. The sound
seemed to relax a chain which had held the boy taut. He staggered a
few steps and, perceiving the moth-eaten yellow plush arm-chair near
him, he sank into it with convulsive abandonment. Now he became
consciously and fully aware of the shock he had endured. Sometimes in
his dreams he had seen her dead. One dream of them all had lifted his
eyelids at midnight from eyes glassy with horror. Now as it came back
to him, he winced and writhed. He had seen her head lying on that
copper tray where each Sabbath eve she had placed the uncut bread
before her husband. Beside her head lay a squat beaker of wine, the
beaker over which, before the meal began, Reb Monash incanted the
_kiddush_ with shut eyes. In a groping, childish way he had
endeavoured to exorcise the terror of this dream by rationalizing it,
by relating the hideous phantasm to the fabric of reality. He knew
that the copper tray gleaming always like smooth dark mahogany might
stand as symbol of the heavy labours which year by year reduced her to
a ghost. She had the Jewish housewife's intense pride in the
cleanliness and beauty of her home. Each Thursday evening the kitchen
table was littered with trays, brass candlesticks, beakers, tins of
polish, dusters. Though the reek of the polish was offensive to her
lungs and sent her into fits of coughing, no Thursday evening saw the
arduous ritual abated by one iota. But Philip knew that the
significance of the dream lay deeper than this. Obscurely he realized
that the beaker of wine represented all the sacerdotalism of his race;
in some way far too profound for his guessing the vision of the severed
head was complicated with that antique ritual, so magnificently alive
and yet so ineffably dead. The head was lying on that tray of her own
devoted polishing throughout the doomed years, lying as an offering to
the impendent bearded God of his race. The cavernous lips opened as
the beaker rose to their glooms. "I am that I am!" a voice moaned
among endless colonnades of hills toppling towards the verges of space.
How came it that the eyes of Jehovah aloof among the chasmed clouds
were the eyes of Reb Monash, sitting upon his peculiar and inalienable
chair in the corner of the kitchen? And the copper tray was a lake
profound with many distances and many generations where dim ancestral
shapes flickered from deep to deep. Twofold tyrannies along the
deliberate reaches of the Nile, wildernesses and weak lads straggling
and dying in the wake of the wanderers, smitten lands of exile,
_Kossacken_ galloping in with sabres and flung beards, a slight lad
crumpled in a moth-eaten yellow plush armchair, crumpled, broken, too
mournful for any tears.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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