England, Northern -- Fiction; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Jews -- Fiction
His eyes had always been weak. The working by candle-light gave him so
much pain that he now formed the habit of lighting the gas when the
last syllables of the monologue upstairs had died away. One night he
left the kitchen-door open and the light staggered out into the hall.
A dim beam thrown upward somehow attracted the attention of Reb Monash,
who had ceased intoning that night more from weariness than sleep. A
shout of anger filled the house. Tremblingly Philip extinguished the
gas and pored aching over his texts by dim candle-light. It was with
infinite caution, and when his eyes stood almost blindly in his skull,
that now he ventured to light the gas. More than an hour after
midnight on one occasion he stood on the table and applied the candle
to the gas-jet. It was a heavy and oppressive night, but he had much
work to do; the examinations were at hand. Again a long time passed.
The sweat stood clammily on Philip's head. His lungs gaped for air.
He placed a chair against the door and held it half-open, so that,
while a little light escaped, a little air came in. Once more he
buried himself deep in his work. Wearily his eyes went on from page to
page. He entered almost into a trance of dull pre-occupation with the
lifeless books. Nothing existed for him beyond the poor round of
grammar, dictionary, text, notebook. Life was neither a freedom nor a
slavery; it was a concentration upon unimportant importances, emptily
insistent upon themselves. The sense which informed him that Reb
Monash stood at the door was neither sight nor sound. He was _aware_
of his presence. His heart seemed to flicker hesitantly down the
depths of his being, until it left a blank behind his ribs, where a
mouth entered whose teeth were fear and pain and anger. Anger! Surely
it was not right for any man, in any relation, let alone a father, to
steal like a criminal from his bed, soundlessly, terribly, and stand
there with shut, pale lips! There were limits to the methods correct
in the most comprehensive fatherhood. And his crime? He was doing his
work, nothing more than his work! His tongue was chafed and sick.
Perhaps it was an illusion after all. Surely he was alone, he had
heard nothing. He lifted his eyes. The actual physical presence of
Reb Monash struck him sharply and heavily like a blow on the cheek. He
gasped with fright. He stood there forbidding and dark, but a strange
light round him and his dim nightclothes. He was supernatural. He
stood there taut with hate. He said not a word. Philip's jaw relaxed,
his eyes staring dazed into his father's eyes. They stared at each
other across a gulf of deafening noise and of ghastly silence. Whose
feet had brought him down silent as death from his bed, who invested
him with that cadaverous power? Illimitably beyond him stretched
ancestral influences into the bowels of time. There was one slipping
away, fruit of their loins, one for whom each had been a Christ
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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