"What you tell us may be perfectly true, dearest Theodore," said the
mother, after some reflection; "I must confess, however, that the
additional figures, as you describe them, are so utterly repugnant to
me, that I feel that I could never pray at my son's grave whilst the
stone presented to me these strange fabulous forms, which horrify
instead of elevating the mind."
"They are symbols, mother, symbols of the most exquisite feelings, not
foreign to your own when once you appreciate their meaning. Would you
not have been affected had an Italian poet written a poem on Edward in
his own language, even though it was not your own mother tongue?"
"True; but then it would only be the expression which would seem
strange to me; but here the idea of the representation that repels my
holiest feelings, is so strong that I run away and feel that I can have
nothing in common with it."
"You speak harshly!"
"I wonder that you think it harsh, dear Theodore, when it is the
natural feeling of a woman and a Christian."
"And you are in Rome, and see each day the wonders of bygone races, and
enjoy the deeds of a thousand different spirits, each of which is
different from your own, and yet can close your heart and turn away
here--here, where a spirit for your sake has brought up out of his
inmost soul all that it possessed."
"I do not dispute his good-will. But, just because it touches me so
nearly and is done for my sake, I feel more susceptible against what is
wrong; the best intentions may be ungrateful to us when they have no
respect for our own feelings."
Theodore approached Mary, who had sat silent, at her work. "Mary," he
said, "has Bianchi's effort offended you too?"
"No;" she said gently; "but my mother is right. One cannot love what is
strange to us--at least I cannot! A man possibly."
He only partly understood her words, but he understood that she
withdrew herself from him. An unspeakable feeling of agony seized
him. It was not irritation--no little feeling of bitterness--which
made him bow silently and leave them. He felt that he must collect
himself--rouse up his crushed spirits. He would have talked wildly had
he stayed.
"It shall not be," he said to himself, when he reached the street. "She
is right; we were and should have ever remained strangers to each
other. I looked upon my longing to throw my whole heart upon her anew,
as fruitless. No wonder that at last she became wearied of it! But it
was horrible that it should happen just on this day when I had so
sweetly deceived myself, so blissfully lied to my soul, and was more
full of hoping than ever! It was horrible, yet wholesome. Now am I
cured for ever of this presumptuous amiable self-deception!"
Then he thought of Bianchi. "In pity." he said, "I should have spared
him this; he will have something to throw into the Tiber again. No; he
shall not. I will keep this monument for myself, to warn me in future
how I trust mankind."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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