As I retraced my steps toward the scene of that unfortunate meeting, I
remembered the paroxysm of anger to which I had given way; and now that
I was once more able to reflect, I was stirred by a feeling of regret
and pity when I thought how violently I had thrown to the ground the
poor wretch who sought my assistance. I knew that his conduct was most
reprehensible, that he had abused my kindness a hundred times; but to
spurn him, to throw him into the dust! Was it possible that I had really
treated him so? That woman's presence, my anger, my humiliated
self-esteem, had led my reason astray. What could have become of the
poor fellow? He had fallen at my feet without attempting to defend
himself, without a complaint; and it seemed to me that I had read only
surprise and grief in his eyes, instead of anger. If that other man had
had him arrested!--and that seemed to be his intention, for I had not
thought of giving him what Ballangier owed him, and that was the first
thing that I should have done. How could I find out how the episode had
ended?
I looked about; I recognized the place where I was sitting with the
three ladies, but there was no one there. The snow had put all the
idlers to flight. The people who passed walked rapidly, with their heads
down; there were no hucksters, no itinerant singers, nobody to whom I
could apply for information. I walked on, but had not taken thirty steps
when I saw a man leaning against a large tree, apparently unconscious of
the snow that covered his cap and blouse. He stood quite still, but his
eyes were turned in my direction. I walked toward him: it was
Ballangier.
He looked at me with a shamefaced, timid expression; when he saw me
walking sadly toward him, I fancied that tears glistened in the eyes
which no longer dared to meet mine; and when I stood beside him, and was
on the point of apologizing for pushing him away so roughly, he fell at
my feet, on the snow, and humbly begged my pardon for speaking to me
when I was with friends.
Ah! I was no longer angry with him; I made haste to raise him, and shook
him by the hand. I believe that my eyes too were moist.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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