And sometimes he was prostrate—prostrate in soul and spirit. Then
would he complain with bitter voice, crying out that the world was
too hard for him, that his back was broken with his burden, that his
God had deserted him. For days and days, in such moods, he would stay
within his cottage, never darkening the door or seeing other face
than those of his own inmates. Those days were terrible both to him
and her. He would sit there unwashed, with his unshorn face resting
on his hand, with an old dressing-gown hanging loose about him,
hardly tasting food, seldom speaking, striving to pray, but striving
so frequently in vain. And then he would rise from his chair, and,
with a burst of frenzy, call upon his Creator to remove him from this
misery.
In these moments she never deserted him. At one period they had had
four children, and though the whole weight of this young brood rested
on her arms, on her muscles, on her strength of mind and body, she
never ceased in her efforts to comfort him. Then at length, falling
utterly upon the ground, he would pour forth piteous prayers for
mercy, and, after a night of sleep, would once more go forth to his
work.
But she never yielded to despair: the struggle was never beyond
her powers of endurance. She had possessed her share of woman’s
loveliness, but that was now all gone. Her colour quickly faded, and
the fresh, soft tints soon deserted her face and forehead. She became
thin, and rough, and almost haggard: thin, till her cheek-bones were
nearly pressing through her skin, till her elbows were sharp, and her
finger-bones as those of a skeleton. Her eye did not lose its lustre,
but it became unnaturally bright, prominent, and too large for her
wan face. The soft brown locks which she had once loved to brush
back, scorning, as she would boast to herself, to care that they
should be seen, were now sparse enough and all untidy and unclean.
It was matter of little thought now whether they were seen or no.
Whether he could be made fit to go into his pulpit—whether they
might be fed—those four innocents—and their backs kept from the
cold wind—that was now the matter of her thought.
And then two of them died, and she went forth herself to see them
laid under the frost-bound sod, lest he should faint in his work over
their graves. For he would ask aid from no man—such at least was his
boast through all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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