And indeed this handing round has become a vulgar and an intolerable
nuisance among us second-class gentry with our eight hundred a
year—there or thereabouts;—doubly intolerable as being destructive
of our natural comforts, and a wretchedly vulgar aping of men
with large incomes. The Duke of Omnium and Lady Hartletop are
undoubtedly wise to have everything handed round. Friends of mine who
occasionally dine at such houses tell me that they get their wine
quite as quickly as they can drink it, that their mutton is brought
to them without delay, and that the potato-bearer follows quick upon
the heels of carnifer. Nothing can be more comfortable, and we may no
doubt acknowledge that these first-class grandees do understand their
material comforts. But we of the eight hundred can no more come up to
them in this than we can in their opera-boxes and equipages. May I
not say that the usual tether of this class, in the way of carnifers,
cup-bearers, and the rest, does not reach beyond neat-handed Phyllis
and the greengrocer? and that Phyllis, neat-handed as she probably
is, and the greengrocer, though he be ever so active, cannot
administer a dinner to twelve people who are prohibited by a
Medo-Persian law from all self-administration whatever? And may I not
further say that the lamentable consequence to us eight hundreders
dining out among each other is this, that we too often get no dinner
at all. Phyllis, with the potatoes, cannot reach us till our mutton
is devoured, or in a lukewarm state past our power of managing; and
Ganymede, the greengrocer, though we admire the skill of his necktie
and the whiteness of his unexceptionable gloves, fails to keep us
going in Sherry.
Seeing a lady the other day in this strait, left without a small
modicum of stimulus which was no doubt necessary for her good
digestion, I ventured to ask her to drink wine with me. But when I
bowed my head at her, she looked at me with all her eyes, struck with
amazement. Had I suggested that she should join me in a wild Indian
war-dance, with nothing on but my paint, her face could not have
shown greater astonishment. And yet I should have thought she might
have remembered the days when Christian men and women used to drink
wine with each other.
God be with the good old days when I could hobnob with my friend over
the table as often as I was inclined to lift my glass to my lips, and
make a long arm for a hot potato whenever the exigencies of my plate
required it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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