“I know what you are going to say, and I admit it all. He is no hero.
There is nothing on earth wonderful about him. I never heard him say
a single word of wisdom, or utter a thought that was akin to poetry.
He devotes all his energies to riding after a fox or killing poor
birds, and I never heard of his doing a single great action in my
life. And yet—”
Fanny was so astounded by the way her sister-in-law went on, that she
hardly knew how to speak. “He is an excellent son, I believe,” at
last she said.
“Except when he goes to Gatherum Castle. I’ll tell you what he has:
he has fine straight legs, and a smooth forehead, and a good-humoured
eye, and white teeth. Was it possible to see such a catalogue of
perfections, and not fall down, stricken to the very bone? But it was
not that that did it all, Fanny. I could have stood against that. I
think I could at least. It was his title that killed me. I had never
spoken to a lord before. Oh, me! what a fool, what a beast I have
been!” And then she burst out into tears.
Mrs. Robarts, to tell the truth, could hardly understand poor Lucy’s
ailment. It was evident enough that her misery was real; but yet she
spoke of herself and her sufferings with so much irony, with so near
an approach to joking, that it was very hard to tell how far she was
in earnest. Lucy, too, was so much given to a species of badinage
which Mrs. Robarts did not always quite understand, that the latter
was afraid sometimes to speak out what came uppermost to her tongue.
But now that Lucy was absolutely in tears, and was almost breathless
with excitement, she could not remain silent any longer. “Dearest
Lucy, pray do not speak in that way; it will all come right. Things
always do come right when no one has acted wrongly.”
“Yes, when nobody has done wrongly. That’s what papa used to call
begging the question. But I’ll tell you what, Fanny; I will not be
beaten. I will either kill myself or get through it. I am so heartily
self-ashamed that I owe it to myself to fight the battle out.”
“To fight what battle, dearest?”
“This battle. Here, now, at the present moment, I could not meet Lord
Lufton. I should have to run like a scared fowl if he were to show
himself within the gate; and I should not dare to go out of the
house, if I knew that he was in the parish.”
“I don’t see that, for I am sure you have not betrayed yourself.”
“Well, no; as for myself, I believe I have done the lying and the
hypocrisy pretty well. But, dearest Fanny, you don’t know half; and
you cannot and must not know.”
“But I thought you said there had been nothing whatever between you.”
“Did I? Well, to you I have not said a word that was not true. I said
that he had spoken nothing that it was wrong for him to say. It could
not be wrong—. But never mind. I’ll tell you what I mean to do. I
have been thinking of it for the last week—only I shall have to tell
Mark.”
“If I were you I would tell him all.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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