“How are you, Fairlegh? how are you? That stupid fool has made 'em too tight for anybody but Tom Thumb, and be hanged to him. Ever read fairy tales, Fairlegh? I did when I was a little shaver, and wore cock-tailed petticoats--all bare legs and bustle--'a Highland lad my love was born'; that style of thing, rather, you know; never believed 'em, though: wasn't to be done even then; eh? Well, this is a puzzler; I can't get 'em on. Where's the fellow they call Boots? Here, you sir, come and see if you can pull on these confounded namesakes of yours, and I'll tip you half a crown if you succeed; cheaper than breaking one's back, eh?” “Where are you off to, supposing you should ever get those boots on?” asked I. “Eh? I am going to call on the young woman I set alight at the hop last night, and tell her I'm quite down in the mouth about it; explain that I didn't go to do it; that it was quite a mistake, and all owing to the other young woman's being so fresh, in fact; and then offer to rig her out again, start her in new harness from bridle ~146~~crupper, all at my own expense, and that will be finishing off the affair handsomely, won't it?” “I should advise your leaving out that last piece of munificence,” replied I; “she might think it an insult.” “An insult, eh? Oh, if she's so proud as all that comes to I'd better stay away altogether; I shall be safe to put my foot into it there, a good deal faster than I have into these villainous boots--that's it, Sampson, another pull such as that and the deed's done,” added Lawless, patting the human Boots on the back encouragingly. “I was just going to ride over to inquire after Miss Saville myself,” said I. “That's the very thing, then,” was the reply. “I'll drive you there instead; it will be better for your scorched fin (pointing to my injured arm) than jolting about outside a horse, and you shall tell me what to say as we go along; you seem to understand the sex, as they call the petticoats, better than I do, and can put a fellow up to a few of the right dodges. I only wish they were all horses, and then I flatter myself I should not require any man's advice how to harness, drive, train, or physic them.” “The ladies are infinitely indebted to you,” replied I, as I ran upstairs to prepare for our expedition.