'It's all rather queer when one comes to think of it,' said Helen.
'Althea, my new friend--whom I told you of here, only a few months
ago--and her friend. How important they have become to us, and how
little, last summer, we could have dreamed of it.' She, too, was
speaking artificially, and was aware of it; but she was well aware that
Gerald didn't find that she looked silly. She had every advantage over
the friend who came with his pretended calm and his badly hidden
rancour. And since he stood silent, looking at the fire, she added,
mildly and cheerfully: 'I am so glad for your happiness, Gerald, and I
hope that you are glad for mine.'
He looked up at her now, and she could not read the look; it hid
something--or else it sought for something hidden; and in its
oddity--which reminded her of a blind animal dazedly seeking its
path--it so nearly touched her that, with a revulsion from any hint of
weakening pity for him, it made her bitterness against him greater than
before.
'I'm afraid I can't say I'm glad, Helen,' he replied. 'I'm too amazed,
still, to feel anything except'--he seemed to grope for a word and then
to give it up--'amazement.'
'I was surprised myself,' said Helen. 'I had not much hope left of
anything so fortunate happening to me.'
'You feel it, then, so fortunate?'
'Don't you think that it is--to marry millions,' Helen asked, smiling,
'and to have found such a good man to care for me?'
'I think it is he who is fortunate,' said Gerald, after a moment.
'Thank you; perhaps we both are fortunate.'
Once more there was a long silence and then, suddenly, Gerald flung
away, thrusting his hands in his pockets and stopping before the window,
his back turned to her. 'I can't stand this,' he declared.
'What can't you stand?'
'You don't love this man. He doesn't love you.'
'What is that to you?' asked Helen.
'I can't think it of you; I can't bear to think it.'
'What is it to you?' she repeated, in a deadened voice.
'Why do you say that?' he took her up with controlled fury. 'How
couldn't it but be a great deal to me? Haven't you been a great
deal--for all our lives nearly? Do you mean that you're going to kick
me out completely--because you are going to marry? What does it mean to
me? I wish it could mean something to you of what it does to me. To give
yourself--you--you--to a man who doesn't love you--whom you don't
love--for money. Oh, I know we've always talked of that sort of thing as
if it were possible--and perhaps it is--for a man. But when it comes to
a woman--a woman one has cared for--looked up to--as I have to you--it's
a different matter. One expects a different standard.'
'What standard do you expect from me?' asked Helen. There were tears,
but tears of rage, in her voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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