After a moment Helen spoke, angrily, because she was astounded, and
because, for the first time in her life, she was frightened, beyond her
depth, helpless in the waves of emotion that lifted her like great
encompassing billows. 'Gerald, don't. Gerald, it is absurd of you.
Gerald, don't cry.' She had never seen him cry.
He heard her dimly, and the words were the cruel ones he expected. The
sense of her cruelty filled him, and the dividing sense that she, who
was so cruel, was still his only refuge, his only consolation.
'What have I done, I'd like to know, that you should treat me like this?
If you loved me before--all those years--why should you stop now,
because I love you? why should you stop because of telling me?'
Again Helen's voice came to him after a pause, and it seemed now to
grope, stupefied and uncertain, for answers to his absurdity. 'How can
one argue, Gerald, like this; perhaps it was because I told you?
Perhaps----'
He took her up, not waiting to hear her surmises. 'How can one get over
a thing like that, all in a moment? How can it die like that? You're not
over it, not really. It is all pride, and you are punishing me for what
I couldn't help, and punishing yourself too, for no one will ever love
you as I do. O Helen--I can't believe it's dead. Don't you know that no
one will ever love you as I do? Can't you see how happy we could have
been together? It's so _silly_ of you not to see. Yes, you are silly as
well as cruel.' He shook her while he held her, while he buried his face
and cried--cried, literally, like a baby.
She stood still, enfolded but not enfolding, and now she said nothing
for a long time, while her eyes, with their strained look of pain, gazed
widely, and as if in astonishment, before her; and he, knowing only the
silence, the unresponsive silence, continued to sob his protestation,
his reproach, with a helplessness and vehemence ridiculous and
heart-rending.
Then, slowly, as if compelled, Helen put her arms around him, and,
dully, like a creature hypnotised to action strange to its whole nature,
she said once more, and in a different voice: 'Don't cry, Gerald.' But
she, too, was crying. She tried to control her sobs; but they broke from
her, strange and difficult, like the sobs of the hypnotised creature
waking from its trance to confused and painful consciousness, and,
resting her forehead on his shoulder, she repeated dully, between her
sobs: 'Don't cry.'
He was not crying any longer. Her weeping had stilled his in an instant,
and she went on, between her broken breaths: 'How absurd--oh, how
absurd. Sit down here--yes--keep your head so, if you must, you foolish,
foolish child.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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