'I beg your pardon,' said Helen, and she turned her head aside a little,
for the laugh was not quite genuine, and she was suddenly afraid of
those idiotic tears. 'Only it amuses me that any one should think me a
serious matter.'
'Don't be cynical, Miss Buchanan; that's what's the trouble with you;
you take refuge in cynicism rather than in thought. If you'd think about
it and not try to evade it, you'd know perfectly well that there is
nothing so serious to you in all the world as your own life.'
'I don't know,' said Helen, after a little pause, sobered, though still
amused. 'I don't know that I feel anything very serious, except all the
unpleasant things that happen, or the pleasant things that don't.'
'Well, what's more serious than suffering?' Mr. Kane inquired, and as
she could really find no answer to this he went on: 'And you ought to go
further; you ought to be able to take every human being seriously.'
'Do you do that?' Helen asked.
'Any one who thinks must do it; it's all a question of thinking things
out. Now I've thought a good deal about you, Miss Buchanan,' Franklin
continued, 'and I take you very seriously, very seriously indeed. I feel
that you are very much above the average in capacity. You have a great
deal in you; a great deal of power. I've been watching you very
carefully, and I've come to the conclusion that you are a woman of
power. That's why I take it upon myself to talk to you like this; that's
why it distresses me to see you going to waste--half alive.'
Helen, her head still turned aside in her chair, looked up at the green
branches above her, no longer even pretending to smile. Mr. Kane at once
startled and steadied her. He made her feel vaguely ashamed of herself,
and he made her feel sorry for herself, too, so that, funny as he was,
his effect upon her was to soften and to calm her. Her temper felt less
bad and her nerves less on edge.
'You are very kind,' she said, after a little while. 'It is very good of
you to have thought about me like that. And you do think, at all events,
that I am half alive. You think I have wants, even if I have no
purposes.'
'Yes, that's it. Wants, not purposes; though what they are I can't find
out.'
She was willing to satisfy his curiosity. 'What I want is money.'
'Well, but what do you want to do with money?' Franklin inquired,
receiving the sordid avowal without a blink.
'I really don't know,' said Helen; 'to use what you call my power, I
suppose.'
'How would you use it? You haven't trained yourself for any use of
it--except enjoyment--as far as I can see.'
'I think I could spend money well. I'd give the people I liked a good
time.'
'You'd waste their time, and yours, you mean. Not that I object to the
spending of money--if it's in the right way.'
'I think I could find the right way, if I had it.' She was speaking with
quite the seriousness she had disowned. 'I hate injustice, and I hate
ugliness. I think I could make things nicer if I had money.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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