'I think you care,' said Helen. 'I think you can make her happy.'
But Gerald now came and sat on the corner of the writing-table beside
her, facing her, his back to the window. 'It's a tremendous thing to
decide on, isn't it, Helen?'
She turned her eyes on him, and he looked at her with a gaze troubled
and a little groping, as though he sought in her further elucidations;
as though, for the first time, she had disappointed him a little.
'Is it?' she asked. 'Is marriage really a tremendous thing?'
'Well, isn't it?'
'I'm not sure. In one way, of course, it is. But people, perhaps,
exaggerate the influence of their own choice on the results. You can't
be sure of results, choose as carefully as you will; it's what comes
after that decides them, I imagine--the devotion, the fidelity you speak
of. And since you've found some one to whom you can promise those, some
one wise and good and gentle, isn't that all that you need be sure of?'
Gerald continued to study her face. 'You're not pleased, Helen,' he now
said. It was a curious form of torture that Helen must smile under.
'Well, it's not a case for enthusiasm, is it?' she said. 'I'm certainly
not displeased.'
'You'd rather I married her than Frances Pickering?'
'Would Frances have you, too, irresistible one?'
'Oh, I don't think so; pretty sure not. She would want a lot of things I
can't give. I was only wondering which you'd prefer.'
Helen heard the clamour of her own heart. Frances! Frances! She is
trivial; she will not take your place: she will not count in his life at
all. Althea will count; she will count more and more. She will be his
habit, his _haus-frau_, the mother of his children. He is not in love
with her; but he will come to love her, and there will be no place for
friendship in his life. Hearing that clamour she dragged herself
together, hating herself for having heard it, and answered: 'Althea, of
course; she is worth three of Frances.'
Gerald gave a little sigh. 'Well, I'm glad we agree there,' he said.
'I'm glad you see that Althea is worth three of her. What I do wish is
that you cared more about Althea.'
What he was telling her was that if she would care more about Althea, he
would too, and she wondered if this, also, were a part of pride; should
she help him to care more for Althea? A better pride sustained her; she
felt the danger in these subtleties of her torment. 'I like Althea,' she
said. 'I, too, think that she is wise and good and gentle. I think that
she will be the best of wives, the best of wives and mothers. But, as I
said, I don't feel enthusiasm; I don't feel it a case for enthusiasm.'
'Of course it's not a case for enthusiasm,' said Gerald, who was
evidently eager to range himself completely with her. 'I'm fond, and
I'll grow fonder; and I believe you will too. Don't you, Helen?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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