This break in the giddy circle of fashionable dissipation, afforded
quite a new happiness to Kondje-Gul and me. In the course of her
initiation into the refinements of our life, her exotic charms had
acquired some new and indescribable embellishments. We spent many a long
evening alone together in that delightful privacy which affords the
sweetest opportunities for communion between loving hearts, and we grew
to feel like a modern Darby and Joan. I was quite proud of my handiwork,
and contemplated with joy this pure and ideal being whose nature I had
inspired, whose soul and whose heart I had moulded. The cultivation of
this young and virgin mind, as I may be permitted to call it, so
possessed by its Oriental beliefs, had produced a charming contrast of
enthusiasm and calm reason which imparted a most original effect to her
frank utterances of new ideas. I was often quite surprised to find in
her mingled with her Asiatic superstitions, and transformed as it were
by contact with a simpler faith, the substance of my own private
sentiments and of my wildest aspirations. One might really think that
she had borrowed her thoughts, nay, her very life, as it were, from me,
and that her tender emotions had their source in my own heart.
Our happiness seemed so assured, and we had it so completely under our
own control, that it would have appeared absurd for us to imagine it to
be at the mercy of Fate. Still, in the midst of this tranquillity there
sometimes arose in my mind an anxious thought. Light clouds floated
across my clear azure sky, and often, as I sat by her side, I began to
think, in spite of myself, about the future--about this marriage of
which you yourself have reminded me, and from the obligations to which
nothing could save me. However great the sacrifice might be, I could not
even think of failing to carry out my uncle's wishes in this matter. My
heart bound me to this adoptive father who had placed unlimited faith in
my loyalty: my whole life was pledged to this chivalrous benefactor who
had left all his fortune in my hands, nor could I permit the least
suspicion of ingratitude on my part to pass over his mind.
But melancholy as was the recollection of this duty to which I had
resigned myself, I must confess that, after all, this impression was but
a fugitive one. I no longer attempted to struggle against the temptation
to a compromise, by means of which I had determined to reconcile my
passion for Kondje-Gul with my marital duties to Anna Campbell. The
retiring nature of the latter would surely permit our union to be
treated as one of those arrangements known as _mariages de convenance_,
and my charming romantic connection with Kondje-Gul would always remain
a secret. Moreover, my uncle, should he ever discover this after-match
of my oriental life, was certainly not the man to be seriously
scandalised at it, directly he assured himself that "the
respectabilities" had not been violated.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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