City and town life -- Fiction; Romance fiction, American; Short stories, American
When the time was come that he must leave her, this seemed the most
valiant thing to do that ever he had done. It was inconceivable to
accept that though now she was with him, breathing, sentient, yet in
another moment he would be out alone in the empty night. Alone. For the
first time the word became a sinister thing. It meant to be where she
was not.
"How is this to go on," he said, "I living where you do not live?"
But she said, "Such things have never been any other way," and closed
the gate upon him.
It is a mighty thing when one who has always lived alone abruptly finds
himself to have a double sense. Here is his little box of ideas, neatly
classified, ready for reference, which have always methodically bobbed
out of their own will the moment they were mentioned. Here are his own
varieties of impression ready to be laid like a pattern upon whatever
presents itself to be cut out. Here are his tastes, his sentiments, his
beliefs, his longings, all selected and labelled and established. And
abruptly ideas and impressions and tastes are thrown into rapt disorder
while he wonders what this other being would think, and his sentiment
glows like a lamp, his belief embraces the world, his longing becomes
only that the other being's longing be cast in counterpart. When he
walks abroad, the other's step accompanies him, a little back, and
invisible, but as authentic as his own. When he thinks, his thought,
without his will, would share itself. All this is a new way of
consciousness. All this makes two universes where one universe had
previously been competent to support life.
Back on his hill Matthew went through his house as if he were seeing it
for the first time. There was the garden that he had planted, and she
was not walking there. There was his window, and she was not looking
from it; his table, and she was not sitting beside it; his book which he
could not read for wondering if she had read. All the tools of his home,
what could they not become if she touched them? The homely tasks of the
cupboard, what joy if she shared them? But what to do? He thought that
it might be something if they exchanged houses, so that he could be
where she had been, could use what she had used, could think of her in
her setting. But yet this did not wholly delight him, either.
And now his house stifled him, so that he rushed out upon that airy path
of his that he had made to reach the upper spaces, and he fled along,
learning about being alive. Into the night he went, farther than ever he
had gone before, till the stars looked nearer to him than houses
commonly look, and things to think about seemed there waiting for him.
So it adventured that he came abruptly upon the New Village. It lay upon
the air as lightly as if strong, fair hands were uniting to bear it up,
and it was not far from the stars and the clear places. Before he
understood its nearness, the night was, so to say, endued with this
village, and he entered upon its lanes as upon light.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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