Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
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Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Miss Welsh acted on Miss Jones's hint. But, however it may have added
to her convenience, so far as Mr. Bennett was concerned it made the
matter worse. She performed her task in such a very conscientious way;
she rolled him over and over, she knelt on him--to give her leverage
in hauling she even stood on him--she stood him on his feet and on his
head. It certainly was _not_ a favourable example of the way in which
a young woman should use her best young man.
"Now, Hannah, you can stand Mr. Bennett on his feet," remarked Miss
Jones, when she saw that Miss Welsh had completed her task. "If Mr.
Bennett is unable to stand you had better prop him up with his back
against the wall."
Miss Welsh propped Mr. Bennett up with his back against the wall: he
would have certainly been unable to stand alone. Miss Jones addressed
herself to him:
"You see, Mr. Bennett, how entirely I have Hannah under my control.
She is beautifully subjective. As I pointed out to you before, I
assure you I have obtained some really remarkable results with Hannah.
I hope that you have enjoyed all that you have seen--have you?"
Mr. Bennett feebly shook his head. He did not seem to have sufficient
energy left to enable him to say he hadn't. He was too much tied up.
Miss Jones went on--
"Before we part--and we are about to part, for the present, at
least--I should like to address to you a few appropriate remarks.
Burglary, I need not point out to you, Mr. Bennett, is criminal, and
not only criminal, but cowardly. You select, as a rule, the night. You
choose, preferentially, a house in which the inhabitants are helpless.
You steal upon them unawares, prepared, if necessary, to take their
lives at the moment when they are least able to defend them. You
yourself are a coward of the most despicable sort, or you would never
have come, in the dead of the night, certainly to rob, and perhaps to
kill, an unprotected woman. I cannot describe to you the satisfaction
which I feel when I consider that this is a case of the biter bit.
When I think how conscious you yourself must be of how completely the
tables have been turned, I assure you that I am ready to dance about
the room with joy. I trust, Mr. Bennett, that you will perceive and
allow that these few remarks point a moral and adorn a tale. What I am
now about to do with you is this. You brought that chloroform to
stupefy me. On the contrary, with it Hannah shall stupefy you. When
you are stupefied she will open the window, she will drag you to it,
and she will drop you out. There is only a drop of about twelve feet.
There is a flower-bed beneath. I hope you will not fall hard. You will
damage the flowers, I am afraid; but, under the circumstances, I will
excuse you that. You will lie there through the night. In the morning
I will take care that a policeman finds you there. He will see the
inscription written by yourself, and sewn on your breast by Hannah. He
will see that you are George Bennett, the burglar, and he will act on
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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