United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
She descended upon us from the somber sumptuousness of a gigantic
limousine, the majestic, the imposing, the formidable, the authoritative
Mrs. S. Berthelin. We knew at once who she was, because she led, by the
ear, as it were, her hopeful progeny, young David. I do not mean that
she had an actual auricular grip on him, but the effect upon his
woe-begone and brow-beaten person was the same. He suggested vividly a
spoiled and pretty lapdog being sternly conveyed to a detested bath. She
suggested a vivified bouquet of artificial flowers. We hastily rallied
our forces to meet her; the Little Red Doctor, the Bonnie Lassie, and
myself. Mrs. Berthelin opened her exordium in a tone of high philippic,
not even awaiting the formalities of introduction. But when I insisted
upon these, and she learned that the Bonnie Lassie was Mrs. Cyrus
Staten, she cringed. Despite a desire to keep out of the society columns
quite as genuine as that of Mrs. Berthelin's to get in, the Cyrus
Statens frequently figure among the Shining Ones, a fact almost
painfully appreciated by our visitor. After that it was easy to get her
into the Bonnie Lassie's house, where her eloquence could not draw a
crowd. To get young David there was not quite so easy. He made one
well-timed and almost successful effort to bolt, and even evinced signs
of balking on the steps.
His punishment was awaiting him. No sooner were we all settled in the
Bonnie Lassie's studio than the mother proceeded to regale us with a
history and forecast of his career, beginning with his precocious infant
lispings and terminating with his projected, though wholly indefinite,
marriage into the Highest Social Circles. To do David justice,
he squirmed.
"Have you got him a job as a general in the army yet, ma'am?" inquired
the Little Red Doctor suavely.
It was quite lost upon Mrs. Berthelin. She informed us that a commission
as Captain in the Quartermaster's Department was arranged for, and she
expected to have the young officer assigned to New York so that he could
live at home in the comfort and luxury suitable to his wealth and
condition. And what she wanted us to understand clearly was that no
designing little gutter-snipe was to be allowed to compromise David's
future. She concluded with an imaginative and most unflattering estimate
of Mayme McCartney's character, manners, and morals, in the midst of
which I heard a gasp.
It came from Mayme, standing, wide-eyed and white, in the doorway. The
front door had been left ajar, and, seeing the Berthelins' monogrammed
car outside, she had come in. The oratress turned and stared.
"That's a lie," said Mayme McCartney steadily. "I'm as straight a girl
as your own daughter. Ask him."
She pointed to the stricken David. Pointing may not be ladylike, but it
can be extremely effective. David's head dropped into his hands.
"Oh, Ma!" he groaned.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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