"Well, the public reads of rewards (with which, by the way, I have nothing to do) conferred on really eminent men--Lord Roberts, for instance, or Sir Henry Irving, or Sir Joseph Lister. It then goes down the List and, finding a number of names of which it has never heard, complains that Her Majesty's favour has been bestowed on nonentities; whereas this is really the merit of the List, that they _are_ nonentities." "I don't understand." "Well, then, _they don't exist_." "But surely--" "My dear sir," said Mr. Robertson, still smiling, and handing me his copy of _The Times_, "cast your eye down that column; take the names of the new knights--'Blain, Clarke, Edridge, Farrant, Laing, Laird, Wardle'--what strikes you as remarkable about them?" "Why, that I have never heard of any of them." "Naturally, for there are no such people. I made them up; and a good average lot they are, though perhaps the preponderance of monosyllables is a little too obvious." "But see here. I read that 'Mr. Thomas Wardle is a silk merchant of Staffordshire.'" "But I assure you that I took him out of _Pickwick_." "Yes, but here is 'William Laird,' for instance. I hear that already two actual William Lairds--one of Birkenhead, the other of Glasgow-- are convinced that the honour belongs to them." "No doubt they will be round in a day or two. The Heralds' College will refer them to me--not simultaneously, if I may trust Sir Albert Woods's tact--and I shall tell them that it belongs to neither, but to another William Laird altogether. But, if you doubt, take the Indian promotions. Lord Salisbury sometimes adds a name or two after I send in the List, and--well, you know his lordship is not fond of the dark races and has a somewhat caustic humour. Look at the new C.I.E.'s: 'Rai Bahadur Pandit Bhag Rum.' Does it occur to you that a person of that name really exists? 'Khan Bahadur Naoraji ('Naoraji,' mark you) Pestonji Vakil'--it's the language of extravaganza! The Marquis goes too far: it spoils all verisimilitude." Mr. Robertson grew quite ruffled. "Then you pride yourself on verisimilitude?" I suggested.