But through all of these vain struggles, his love for Anne grew stronger,
more overpowering. He was hollow-eyed and gaunt, ravenous with the hunger
of love. A spectre of his former self, he watched himself starve with
sustenance at hand. Bountiful love lay within his grasp and yet he
starved. Full, rich pastures spread out before him wherein he could roam
to the end of his days, blissfully gorging himself,—and yet he starved.
And Anne, who dwelt in those elysian pastures, was starving too!
Once more he wavered and again he fell. He found himself at midnight
standing at the corner above Anne's home, staring at the darkened
unresponsive windows. Three nights passed before he resumed the hateful
vigil. This time there were lights. And from that time on, he went almost
nightly to the neighbourhood of Washington Square, regardless of weather
or inconvenience. He saw her come and go, night after night, and he saw
people enter the house to which he held a key,—always he saw from obscure
points of vantage and with the stealth and caution of a malefactor.
He came to realise in course of time that she was not at peace with
herself, notwithstanding a certain assumption of spiritedness with which
she fared into the world with others. At first he was deceived by
appearances, but later on he knew that she was not the happy, interested
creature she affected to be when adventuring forth in search of pleasure.
He observed that she tripped lightly down the steps on leaving the house,
and that she ascended them slowly, wearily, almost reluctantly on her
return, far in the night. He invariably waited for the lights to appear in
the shaded windows of her room upstairs, and then he would hurry away as
if pursued. Once, after roaming the streets for two hours following her
return to the house, he wended his way back to the spot from which he had
last gazed at her windows. To his surprise the lights were still burning.
After that he never left the neighbourhood until he saw that the windows
were dark, and more often than otherwise the lights did not go out until
two or three o'clock in the morning. The significance of these nightly
indications of sleeplessness on her part did not escape him.
Bitterly cold and blustering were some of the nights. He sought warmth and
shelter from time to time in the near-by cafés, always returning to his
post when the call became irresistible. It was his practice to go to the
cheap and lowly cafés, places where he was not likely to be known despite
his long residence in the community. He did not drink. It had, of course,
occurred to him that he might find solace in resorting to the cup that
cheers, but never for an instant was he tempted to do so. He was too
strong for that!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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