Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
While in one of the interior counties to-day I stood beside the graves
of six members of one household. The father and his five sons all fell
in one sanguinary family feud.
It seems an ill feeling had long existed between two families named
respectively Frost and Coates. Though they frequently indulged in small
skirmishes—from which black eyes, bloody noses, or slit ears were the
principal trophies borne away—they had never met when their full forces
were under arms. And for the happy hour that would bring about such a
meeting, each party looked forward with interest, if not impatience.
A day arrived at last, full of promise. It was an election day. Each
party expected the other out in strength, with furbished arms, and
prepared themselves accordingly. They took the street, resolved, that—
“Ere the bat had flown
His cloistered flight: ere to black Hecate’s summons
The shard-borne beetle, with his drowsy hums,
Had rung night’s yawning peal, there would be done
A deed of dreadful note.”
Two planets keep not their motion in one sphere, nor could two
quarrelsome families move long in a small village, or freely patronize
the same groggeries without a collision. Towards evening they met, some
mounted and more on foot, and from low jests amongst themselves
respecting each other’s lack of prowess upon former occasions, the
controversy soon reached the point of positive contradictions. As the
“lie direct” is equivalent to a well-developed kick to your average
fighting man, hostilities soon commenced.
[Illustration: LIVELY WORK.]
The Coates family opened the engagement with a brisk fusilade, and at
the first fire the gray-bearded patriarch of the Frost faction went down
with all his imperfections on his head.
The firing now became general. “From rank to rank, the volleyed thunder
flew.”
Neutral parties fled from the street, and for a time transacted business
with “closed doors.” The report of the firearms frightened the horse of
a disinterested gentleman, who was riding through the village, and
despite his efforts to control the animal, it dashed directly between
the belligerent parties. The fighting men, however, did not slacken fire
on his account, but blazed away without seeming to notice or care
whether the agitated stranger went down in the general _melee_ or not.
Fortunately, the gentleman escaped injury, but it was certainly more by
chance than good guidance. It is said so rapid was the fire that a
steady blaze seemed issuing from the muzzle of their weapons. When the
smoke of battle raised, five of the Coates family were lying dead.
On the other side, Frost and one of his sons were killed, and a
son-in-law mortally wounded. People say the funeral was a saddening
spectacle. Amongst the mourners were mothers, daughters, sisters and
wives.
But the end was not yet.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account