Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
“‘Supposin’ they hev thick skins,’ I ses, ‘they’re somethin’ like the
cheese that goggle-eyed Peter bought from the peddler, their peculiarity
doesn’t lie in the thickness of their hide so much as in the mysterious
way they have of movin’ themselves around.’
“‘S’pose you try a race back to the Corner, then,’ ses one of the boys.
“‘Yes,’ ses Kate Rykert, clappin’ her hands and jumpin’ up. ‘I’ll ride
back to the Corner with one of you, and let Tilley Evans go with the
other, and I’ll go to the ball with the one who gets to the village
first.’
“‘Agreed,’ ses Abe, ‘and you’ll ride back with me?’
“‘No, I’m heavier than Tilley,’ ses Kate, ‘let everythin’ be even; toss
up for partners back to the Corner.’
“This seemed fair, so we flipped, and I won Kate. She weighed ten pounds
more than Tilley, but I didn’t care for that, for I knowed if the worst
come to the worst, she was none of your jumpin’ out kind; she would
stick to the buggy while there was one wheel and the seat left, and
that’s the sort of a gal to have along with a feller when he’s tryin’
hoss flesh.
“The whole picnic gathered around us when we were gettin’ our teams
ready and war speculatin’ on the result. Money was gwine up on all
sides. Parson Briarly had no change about him, but he bet his gold-bowed
spectacles against old Silverthorn’s meerschaum pipe that I would git to
the Corner fust.
“‘Beat him, Jim,’ ses Gus Parks, ‘and I’ll give Kate the best bonnet in
the store.’
“‘And I’ll give her the highest-heeled pair of boots that I’ve got in my
shop,’ said Tom Ruggles, the boot and shoe dealer.
“‘Then Kate is a bonnet and a pair of boots ahead, for sartain,’ says I,
jumpin’ into the buggy and squarin’ round my horses for the road; and
with that we started, lick-a-te-split! down the turnpike, Abe a leetle
ahead, but not enough to make much difference with five miles of good
turnpike ahead of us, without let or hindrance.
“Pooty soon Kate leaned over to me, and ses she, ‘You must beat him,
Jim, for between you and me, I would ruther go to the ball with you than
with Abe.’
“This made me feel mi’ty good, and ses I, ‘You mustn’t get skeered,
then, for I reckon we’ll hev to take some desperate chances to git thar
fust.’
“‘Let me alone for that,’ ses she; ‘when I can’t ride as fast as a hoss
can run, then I’ll stay to hum, and let dad tote me around in the
wheelbarrow.’
“Just then we came up with him. He tried to shake us off, and would
spurt ahead, but I’d crawl up on him agin, and stick thar, lappin’ him
and goin’ with him stretch for stretch, like a dog when he’s a-freezin’
to a pig’s ear. Away went Kate’s hat a-flutterin’ over butter-cup swale,
like a Bird of Paradise over the gardin’ of Eden.
“‘That’s mi’ty bad, Kate,’ ses I, lookin’ over my shoulder at it sailin’
off.
“‘Let it go hatchin’,’ ses Kate, laughin’. ‘It’s only gettin’ out of the
way of the new bonnet.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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