Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
I am as full of law this evening as a sea-shell of sound, having been
wedged in the District Court room from 10 o’clock A. M. to 9 P. M.,
listening to testimony in the re-trial of the case of the People vs. a
fiery lady, if we may use the expression, who brought down her game the
first shot.
Though the room was crowded almost to suffocation, I fancy there is not
that deep interest that was manifested during the former trial. On that
occasion there were so many letters introduced in evidence, such a mass
of private correspondence dragged from musty trunks, and laid open to
the public, that thousands flocked daily to the court room, in hopes of
hearing something rich, if not instructive. I shall never forget the
excitement during the reading of letter No. 947. It was from the
defendant.
The counsel for the defence argued a good round two hours and a half by
the court-room clock, against the letter being admitted in evidence. He
maintained it was irrelevant, as it had never been opened, the receiver
forgetting to read it, or neglecting to do so, for some reason of his
own.
[Illustration: A DROWSY JURY.]
The counsel for the people followed with even a longer appeal to the
judge to admit the letter, strengthening his argument by lengthy
quotations from Blackstone, Kent, Wharton, and other authorities,
endeavoring to prove it should be put in evidence, as its contents might
assist materially in furthering the ends of justice.
The judge began to show unmistakable signs of impatience. He remarked
that already a package of letters had been read that would go far
towards shingling the Mechanics’ Pavilion, and had no more bearing upon
the point at issue than “Darwin’s Descent of Man” had upon the culture
of white beans. He finally gave way before the preponderance of the
prosecuting attorney’s argument, and directed an officer to wake the
jury, as a letter was to be read that all should hear. After
considerable shaking and poking, this difficult duty was performed. Even
the deaf juror was aroused, though the good-natured judge had permitted
him to sleep during the introduction of several preceding epistles.
After order was restored, and an inventive juror had improvised an ear
trumpet with a piece of legal cap for his unfortunate companion, the
_billet doux_ was opened. As the seal was broken, judge and jury rose to
their feet with one accord, and leaned as far forward as their desks
would allow, the more readily to catch every word of the important
document. The silence in the room was death-like. It was supposed that
on the contents of this letter hung either a scaffold or an acquittal.
The weak ticking of the dusty clock upon the wall was the only sound
that disturbed the awful stillness. As the calm settled, the muffled
beat of the time-piece increased in force and volume until it seemed to
attain the tones of a fire bell. Presently the attorney in a high and
tremulous voice began to read. The contents ran thus:—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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