But such beauty is made, not born. Care and despondency come of
themselves, and groove their own furrows. Hope and intelligence and
interest and buoyancy must be wooed for their gentle and genial touch.
A mother must battle against the tendencies that drag her downward.
She must take pains to grow, or she will not grow. She must sedulously
cultivate her mind and heart, or her old age will be ungraceful; and if
she lose freshness without acquiring ripeness, she is indeed in an evil
case. The first, the most important trust which God has given to any
one is himself. To secure this trust, He has made us so that in no
possible way can we benefit the world so much as by making the most of
ourselves. Indulging our whims, or, inordinately, our just tastes, is
not developing ourselves; but neither is leaving our own fields to grow
thorns and thistles, that we may plant somebody else's garden-plot,
keeping our charge. Even were it possible for a mother to work well
to her children in thus working ill to herself, I do not think she
would be justified in doing it. Her account is not complete when she
says, "Here are they whom thou hast given me." She must first say,
"Here am I." But when it is seen that suicide is also child-murder, it
must appear that she is under doubly heavy bonds for herself.
Husbands, moreover, have claims, though wives often ignore them. It is
the commonest thing in the world to see parents tender of their
children's feelings, alive to their wants, indulgent to their tastes,
kind, considerate, and forbearing; but to each other hasty, careless,
and cold. Conjugal love often seems to die out before parental love.
It ought not so to be. Husband and wife should each stand first in the
other's estimation. They have no right to forget each other's comfort,
convenience, sensitiveness, tastes, or happiness, in those of their
children. Nothing can discharge them from the obligations which they
are under to each other. But if a woman lets herself become shabby,
drudgy, and commonplace as a wife, in her efforts to be perfect as a
mother, can she expect to retain the consideration that is due to the
wife? Not a man in the world but would rather see his wife tidy, neat,
and elegant in her attire, easy and assured in her bearing, intelligent
and vivacious in her talk, than the contrary; and if she neglect these
things, ought she to be surprised if he turns to fresh woods and
pastures new for the diversion and entertainment which he seeks in vain
at home? This is quaky ground, but I know where I am, and I am not
afraid. I don't expect men or women to say that they agree with me,
but I am right for all that. Let us bring our common sense to bear on
this point, and not be fooled by reiteration. Cause and effect obtain
here as elsewhere. If you add two and two, the result is four, however
much you may try to blink it. People do not always tell lies, when
they are telling what is not the truth; but falsehood is still
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