As he walked toward a street car he was proud of his self-conquest. He
was thinking about the girl, Ruth. He had taken himself in hand and
overcome the dangerous confusion that the sight of her started. His
sense of honor preened itself on the victory. That was the way to handle
oneself--always face the facts. It was better than hiding one's head in
the sand. Look, it had happened this way. By being matter-of-fact, by
converting the girl from a luring, enigmatic figure into an employee, he
had established an immunity in himself. Was he certain of this? Yes, she
would be merely another of the young women employed in his office. And
he was in love with none of them. Or even interested. So their relation
would be that of employee and employer. Which was harmless and
honorable.
He walked along, piling up assurances. As he entered the car he was
going over in his mind with an imaginative eagerness the details of the
situation he had created. He would be very stern, aloof. He would
acquaint her with his secret files and gradually educate her into an
efficient assistant. She was a university girl. Of course her running
around with freaks, the way she did--artists and talky women, was a
handicap. But she would get over that and become entirely sensible.
It was a pleasant day dream that wiled away the tedium of the ride home.
An unaccountable happiness played around the fancies in his mind. He
gave himself to its warmth with a certain defiance--as if he were
denying unbidden doubts underlying his dreams.
He had hired Ruth Davis in order that he might be near her. And
underlying the enthusiastic assurances which he crowded into his mind as
a stop gap for the elation this fact inspired, was the knowledge that,
as his secretary, she would come to perceive what a great man he was.
His files, his secret memoranda, his intricate activities all of which
she would come to know as his private secretary--would be a boast.
Yes, his very curtness, sternness, preoccupation would all be part of
this boast. She would see him as a man of importance, a man of rising
power. He would have to ignore her in order to confer with well-known
men-politicians, police officials, party leaders. And this ignoring of
her would be a boast--all a boast of his prestige and of the fact that
he was a man of fascinating activities and that these activities made it
impossible for him to devote himself as other lesser men might, to
paying her any attention.
Yes, the thought of her being in his office where he might look at her,
but more especially where she might look at him--for he did not intend
to pay any attention to her--thrilled him. And gradually the cause of
his elation protruded and he was forced to face it. He alighted from
the car thinking as he walked toward his apartment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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