Fanny was suspicious about such things. She had been utterly faithful to
Aubrey during their married life and this fidelity, somehow, had
developed in her an attitude of chronic suspicion concerning the
fidelity of other women. It was her habit when visiting her friends to
sit and speculate upon their possible immoralities. She had frequently
got herself into trouble by setting scandalous rumors afloat.
"Henry Thorpe and Gwendolyn see quite a great deal of each other," she
would say. "More than we know, I think. I wonder what Mrs. Thorpe thinks
about it. You know Gwendolyn, for all her pretenses, is an out and out
sensual type."
No one was immune from Fanny's speculations. In fact the more
incongruous the idea of any one's sinfulness seemed, the more
enthusiastically Fanny embraced it.
She was more than half aware that thinking about others in immoral
situations seemed to excite herself. She would endeavor to introduce a
note of indignation into her speculations. But the note was too forced
to deceive her, although it deceived others. And she finally abandoned
herself to the thrill which thinking evilly of others stirred in her.
She would often allow her suspicions to become detailed. Merely to
suspect a woman of being immoral was not as satisfying as to figure the
manner of her sin, the play by play, word by word drama of her
seduction. She relished such fancied details. Suspecting others of
immorality enabled Fanny to enjoy vicariously situations which she had
as a matter of course denied herself.
Her love for Aubrey had not changed. It had, in fact, grown or at least
become inflated by habit. At the beginning of their union she had
suspected him of being a hypocrite. She had immediately resented his
virtue. Then for a short time she had figured out that he must be
unfaithful to her, that this accounted for his virtue.
But her resentment had remained mute. The years had proved to her, as
much as proof was possible, that Aubrey was no hypocrite and that his
attitude toward such things was due to his being a high-minded, decent
man. He loved her. But in his own way. He explained to her, "Most
marriages are ruined because people are lead astray by sex. Sex is a
duty. I don't think it's any more moral for married people to wallow in
sex than it is for unmarried people. Sex has an object beyond itself
which people ignore. It is a means to an end--children." And they had
gone on for eight years living up to these standards. But they had no
children. Fanny was willing to acquiesce in her husband's ideals, since
she had to, in everything except about children. She didn't want any.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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