He tried to blot out his thinking and fastened his will upon thoughts
that might make him sad, properly sad and believing. What if Henrietta
should die.... Henrietta dead. Henrietta gone forever. He seized the
thought eagerly. It was not what he wanted but there was a relish in
thinking it. Sad ... sad ... yes, if his mother should die or somebody
dear to him. Who? Ruth. Ah, what if it were Ruth in the coffin. Instead
of anybody else. He would feel differently then. Her beautiful face
white as Gilchrist's and her arms still. Her fingers rigid. Ruth
dead....
This made him sad but it took his mind entirely from the scene. He
forgot for moments that Gilchrist was dead and this was a funeral. The
reality returned, however, with an increased vividness to its absurdity.
The music of the hymn rose with embarrassing frankness.... Poor little
people gathered in a room going through a hocus-pocus to convince
themselves that there was a heaven where they would live forever after
the misfortune of death. Like children playing with dolls and
pretending.... But how did he happen to be thinking like that? Did he
believe there was no God, no heaven, no after life?
No, he believed in all that firmly. Of course, one must believe. The
self-questioning had shocked him back into a state of grace. Yes, he
believed firmly and bowed his head to the hymn that was ending.
During the rest of the services he was inwardly silent. The scene
appeared to have slipped into focus again. The minister seemed no longer
a symbol of some childish hocus-pocus but an ambassador of God--a stern
man, closely in touch with the Mysteries. And there was something
awesome in the room. There was something awesome about the coffin and
the flowers and the voices of the singers trailing into an Amen. It was
God. Yes, a great all powerful Being to whose hands mankind returned.
The discomfort of doubt left Basine and he felt himself again an
integral part of something vaster than himself. His thought re-entered
the idea of religion and a sense of peace filled him. He said Amen twice
and looked with mute, believing eyes at the black coffin.
The mourners were following the six silk-hatted pall bearers into the
street. A drizzle over the pavements. A long line of motors, chauffeurs
waiting, looking as aloof and aristocratic in their servitude as their
employers.
Basine found himself beside Milton Ware, one of the big traction
officials of the city. A grey-haired man with a well-preserved face
stamped with certainties and stern affabilities. Basine thought
casually that Ware had seemed rather friendly. He had come over to
exchange remarks several times while waiting for the services to begin.
On the curb Basine looked around for Henrietta. Judge Smith had brought
his machine and they were to drive to the cemetery together.
"Are you with anyone?" Ware asked quietly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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